Fell In Love In Stages // a matty healy fanfic

The Beginning of the End

-Matty's POV-

After our final examination, the days pass in joy.
Despite the sense of impending doom, I'm joyful.
In truth, I've only felt this way since meeting her, suddenly awakened and brimming with life. It is her. It is because of her. Even now, in the depths of our final days, a new dawn beckons. We've been together 9 months now, enough time to fall hopelessly. I cannot keep my eyes off of her. I watch her make tea. Stir her cereal. Turn the pages of her book. I talk to her, of her, incessant as a child. When we wish each other goodnight, it is with longing. There's no other way to say it. And when we make love, the stars align and all is right with the world.

That night, despite the wine, she seemed subdued.
She is silent, looking out of the window, on to roofs and chimneys darkened by evening. I panic.
I don't want her to slide into this mood, so I make little jokes and play the clown.
My shenanigans make her laugh and lifts her mood a little. Then we lie in bed, close and quiet.
"What is it?" I ask. "What's troubling you?"
She hesitates, and then tells me in a torrent, as though it's been building in her head for days, like a rain cloud.
"I think we must talk about what happens after I leave."
"Must we?" I ask, wanting to stay like this a bit longer.
"We must" she whispers in a sense of quiet urgency. "Tomorrow is my last day here."
Her answer confused me. I stare at her, trying to understand what she means.
She stared back, devoid of any emotion.
With a roll of nausea, it clicked.
"When you say tomorrow-" I whispered.
"I'm flying to America. Day after." Each word separate and distinct.
I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. She waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.
"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."
"I want nothing more than for you to come with me. But I can't ask that of you. The band is here. Your nana. Your whole life is in Wilmslow."
"I don't care." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "I go where you go."
"Matty... please. You may think that this is what you want, but you will end up resenting me. And-And..." she trails off, her eyes welling up now. I clench my jaw to stop myself from doing the same.
"I love you, Matty Healy. And I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. And at this very moment, I want to be selfish, I want you to come with me. But I love you too much to let you throw away your dreams. For some girl?" She smiles bleakly, tears staining her cheeks.
"Some girl?" I scoff. "Do not talk about the love of my life that way." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what she was telling me. It still didn't make any sense. I wanted to tell her to stay, but I bit my tongue. Instead we just hugged for a long time. Against her chest, where she couldn't see, the tears welled up and spilled over.