checkmate. | 희승 √

12. take me far away

12 | "Was that not enough for you, Moon?"

I'm done. I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. When I get outside of the school, it's hot despite the icy weather. I rip the scarf off my neck, unravel my hair from a ponytail, and unzip my jacket. The meeting was over before I knew it, and I couldn't say anything. Heeseung took the spotlight, leaving me to sit next to him in silence whenever he went back to his seat.

"Hayoon!" The familiar voice is grating to my ears, and I stop in the middle of the sidewalk to get the conversation over with. His body swerves around me, stopping in front of me with a glance at the rest of the sidewalk before turning to me. But before he could talk, I spoke.

"It's my first day back, Heeseung," I begin, sighing and letting the steam out. "Do you have to be this foul?"

"Foul?" He scoffs, discontent with my words. "I gave you enough time to relax and go about your day by skipping. Was that not enough for you, Moon?"

"No, Heeseung, it isn't!" I grit my teeth, ready to break down again. "How could you be so cruel?"

He was silent, so I continued. "You don't know my life, Lee, and that's fine. I don't know yours either, so I don't ask about it. What I don't need you doing is picking apart my every move because it irks you when I haven't done anything to insult you!" I complain. "If there's something you want to hear, fine. You're a better president than me. You're better than me in every academic standard. You're the more successful one between us. You're right, god, whatever, YOU'RE ALWAYS CORRECT!"

I inhale sharply after screaming at him as my feelings fall into shambles. "But please... I beg... just let me catch my breath. I'm sick, and I'm tired. I can't abhor as you can. I can hate you, but your actions are crippling me, Heeseung, and I'm tired. I'm so, so tired, so let me rest."

His gaze softens, and his hand reaches out. I back up a step. "Listen, Hayoon-"

"Don't try to gain pity from me right now. The least you can do is leave me alone," I scowl. "We aren't friends, so you can't comfort me. Part of me thought about trying to make amends, but it seems we're past that now. How are you going to say you want to be friends, but do this? That was the only place I could win against you. That was how I believed it always went. Not anymore."

I refuse to let him speak. Not when he's the one who caused this pain and refuses to acknowledge it. Heeseung continued to put pressure on the wound, and I'm not willing to stay for the pain. I'd rather get an infection than be this way with him.

Part of me knows I'm selfish. I know that I can't just call any place mine to keep, but when you're sick of losing, can't every win be cherished? Having it happen so much in one place makes you feel victorious, and once that significant loss hits... you feel like you've lost everything. I feel like I'm gambling every time we're against each other, and it's rigged every time. The only place I found it fair was in the student council room.

As I continue to cascade down the sidewalk steps, I stop. The wall breaks, and I take a seat to reminisce about what I told Heeseung. As my elbows touch my knees, my tears fall into my palms.

When I lived with my grandmother, she always told me to cry if it was necessary. This was after Dad and I first arrived, and I would cry every night to her about how we'd make a living. After that day, I didn't find most things necessary for tears. However, today I needed a good cry. I don't know who'd see a teenage girl crying like she just killed an animal on these steps, but I was hoping it was someone reliable, and not a fool.

"Did he pick on you?" Yuri. Great timing!

I look up, seeing her frown. Even with her shivering legs, she sits next to me, patting my back. I nod slowly, quivering lips making me hold my eyes again. "Why does that stupid Lee keep making such mistakes? He should know better than to make a girl cry!"

"It's fine, Yuri," I reassure her, but she pats me a bit too hard that I cough.

"Ooh, sorry," Her eyebrows furrowed together in worry, rubbing me instead. "He should stop making these mistakes if he wants to solve things with you."

"I doubt that," I chuckle bitterly. "If he wanted to apologize or fix things between us, he should've done that already."

"He doesn't apologize very often. Not even to his parents," She excuses. "I'd be damned if he apologized. That means he cares about you a lot, Hayoon- if he ever does decide to fix things with you and apologize for the first time in forever. He talks about you a lot, it's a bit worrying how he brings you into every conversation we have together."

I sniffle, raising an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

Yuri clears her throat. "He always talks about you negatively, but it's interesting. It'll be something so ridiculously off-topic, but he always finds a way to bring you into the conversation. He talks about you more than himself," Yuri shrugs. "When I asked him how he felt towards you, all he said was that his eyes would drag to you unknowingly. Sometimes, all he could think about when he did things is if you'd say you could do it better, and it would always make him laugh."

Weird.

"Deep down, he cares about you, Hayoon," Yuri clicks her tongue. "It's weird how he showcases it, but he doesn't showcase his liking toward me any better. He's stoic half the time. He acts emotional in front of you, but when we're talking, he's not even talkative. He gets his things done and goes home. So, cut him only a slice of slack, because you're not in the wrong. It's up to you how you're going to go about it, but remember what I've told you. I'm no liar."

"You sound like one; to save your best friend's face."

"You're my best-best-best friend!" Yuri hugs me, nuzzling her face into my shoulder. I laugh, blinking the rest of the tears away. "I wouldn't lie to my number one. It's your move. He's trying to play chess, but all he knows is checkers!"

She gets up, fixing her jacket, and scarf, and straightening her skirt.

"Now, Hayoon," She points at me, winking. "What can you play?"