A pretty moon

Tanjiro: Confusion

Inosuke and Zenitsu are becoming  the death of me! The entire day, they were fighting over the thing they stole from me. I barely had time to talk to Kanao! She probably felt bad, seeing that I came into her house and brought a circus into her house. Could she have had a bad impression on me?

The entire day I spent lecturing (more like yelling at) them in the quarters Kanao assigned to me- talking about the ethics and morality behind coming to someone's house as a guest.

"You guys are seventeen! Not as young as you used to be! Aren't you ashamed of yourselves?"

Zenitsu and Inosuke sat by my feet meekly, nodding solemnly with expressions of absolute terror. It's true, I rarely snap at anyone, but when I do, it's bound to end up pretty ugly.

"Firstly, who asked you to come here? Nezuko took all the trouble to discipline you, and you disobey her and still dare to show up? I specifically told you I wanted to meet her alone!"

After what seemed to be about half an hour, I finally let them go. Bless their souls, they were half-dead when I left them. Zenitsu was on the verge of tears, and Inosuke was shivering. I should apologize to them when I can, but right now, they need to let those words sink into them!

I heard a small knock at the door, and then it cracked open. Kanao's face peeked out from the crack.

"I'm really sorry, Kanao," I apologized with a bow. "I should not have yelled at them and made more noise. Sometimes, those two really get on my nerves."

"Mmm! It's fine!" Kanao shook her head with a small smile. "Those are typical Zenitsu and Inosuke. It's best for them to enjoy what little youth they have until they grow up and loose it all."

We sat down and talked for a while. Kanao talked about life after she moved into her new house- which was Shinobu-san and Kanae-san's previous house, and I talked about life in my own chaotic household.

"Do you sometimes miss them, Shinobu-san and Kanae-san?"

"Always," Kanao said with a melancholic tone. "I was just thinking of them before you guys came in."

"I see..."

"How about you? Do you often think about Rengoku-san, Muichiro-san, and all the other Hashira? You also had a very deep relationship with Shinobu-san."

"Coincidentally, I was also thinking about them before I decided to show up!"

Kanao smiled. "Really?"

"Mmhm!"

We sat down there in silence for a while. I looked at Kanao's face. Something seemed to be troubling her. Doing the natural thing, I asked her what was wrong.

"Have you ever felt like you have done something wrong? Like, if you were early enough, you could have prevented something very sinister or disastrous from happening?"

I smiled. It was not a foreign question. "All the time. I feel like I should not be the one alive, that I should have been the one who died." At that moment, I truly felt sad. While these worries have been nagging me constantly at the back of my head before, right now, they became more real as I voiced them out. What if I had really been the one who died? What if Muzan had really killed me with all the blood he gave me? Maybe had I not resisted too much, had I accepted my fate in that demon's hands, I would not have turned into one myself- Nezuko would not have gotten hurt, Zenitsu and Inosuke would not have baulked at the prospect of killing me.

Heck, what if all this was a mistake? What was I doing anyways in that man's house, the moment my family died. While I was happily eating and sleeping away, my siblings were getting teared limb from limb by a monster. My mother was spending every ounce of her strength to protect my siblings- something that should have been my responsibility! Nezuko was going insane with whatever poison that idiotic, vile imbecile had injected into his body. I should have been the one to die, for putting all my friends and family into dangerous waters. I Should Have Been The One To Die, for endangering everyone I saw and loved. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO-

"TANJIRO! STOP!"

"Huh?"

Perhaps I had not realized it, whatever I thought was going on in my head had somehow been vented out in fearful bouts of frustration. I looked at Kanao in shock, who had just yelled at me to stop. Her eyes were wide in fury- I had never seen her show such a huge gust of emotions before, and I had especially not seen her this mad.

"If you are going to put yourself down like this, then you are not doing us a favour by blaming it on yourself. You are, in fact blaming us?"

I frowned. "Ehh?"

"Think about my plight, who injected you with Shinobu-san's anti-demon medicine. Think about Tomioka-san's plight, who helped you and fought by your side during Akaza's final fight. Think about Rengoku-san's plight, as he died fighting for your safety. Are you saying that our actions weren't justified, that we should have just let you die because you deserved it?"

My mouth went shut. Kanao was speaking the truth.

"They were not forced to sacrifice themselves for you. They had a choice. And these were theirs. You have no right to criticise or demean their personal choices."

"You speak of yourself of a man who has no self worth. Tanjiro, have you ever turned back and seen the huge impact you have left on us? Have you ever seen Muichiro-san laughing and smiling away as he did during his last moments with us? No! You helped him discover who he was originally. And he is grateful to you for that. Have you ever seen Genya-san freely interacting with anybody in this room? He did with you, because you helped him reconcile with his brother in the end, and he is grateful for you."

"Had you not stepped in the other day and told me to follow that small voice in my heart, I would still be flipping that stupid coin to help me make all my desicions. You helped me! You helped me see myself for my self-worth and my weaknesses. You helped me become an independent woman. You helped me grow into who I am today. So yes, given a choice of saving myself or protecting you in harm's way, I would gladly die for your sake."

"So if I ever hear you rant away about how you should have been the one who died, I would personally stab you with a knife, and then kill myself because I could never bear the thought of living in a world without you! GOT IT!?!"

Kanao was left standing in front of me, breathless for a moment. I was stunned at the way she lashed out at me. The words she used were incredibly... powerful! Kanao then made a slight movement to regain her composure.

"I am very sorry. I will now excuse myself." she said, bowed to me, and quickly ran out of my room, leaving me stunned beyond cognition.