Second Chances

I Can't Believe It

Feyre

What is sleep? Because I get none of it these days. Zip. Zero. Luckily Storm has been amazing at rotating shifts with me, because sometimes it feels almost impossible to wake up when he cries. He's two months old now, which is insane because I swear I just gave birth yesterday.

My healing process has been slow, but I'm feeling a lot less sore lately and have been able to get around better. Rowan's eyes have turned a little more grey and I love it, sometimes I can't believe just how beautiful he truly is and how he has the thickest brown hair already.

We've been co sleeping which is going well because when he cries I'll just give him the boob or if it's Storm's turn, he heats up a bottle that I pumped and feeds him. We're slowly but surely getting into a better routine and I'm glad because I thrive off routines and organization.

Our apartment has been an absolute mess since the day we got home from the hospital, but yesterday when I woke up from a nap, Storm had it cleaned spotless. Laundry and dishes done to it brought me to tears and took a load of stress off of me.

My dad comes over every other day with Stacey, they bring us food and/or stop by to watch him so I can get a nap in which has been amazing. I won't deny that being a mom so far has been hard, really hard but also so incredibly rewarding. I haven't washed my hair in day, I've been wearing the same pajamas for a week now and I'm pretty sure there's vomit on my shoulder.

I decided to stay home with Rowan, and let someone else have my position at The Globe. I went and worked for them for a bit but after he was born I didn't feel the need to go back. I love writing so I went back to doing some freelance work which means I get to do what I enjoy but on my own schedule and time. So far, I've written over a dozen articles for different magazines and blogs. It's been nice writing from my own home and not having to leave Rowan with anyone.

I'm pacing the living room with Rowan in my arms, trying to get him to sleep. He ate for what felt like forever and then had an explosion in his diaper. I got him all cleaned up and now I want him to sleep so I can finally take a shower and have a moment to myself. After thirty minutes of pacing he finally knocks out and I lay him in his crib.

I leave the bedroom door ajar and make sure the baby monitor is on. I hurry to the bathroom and take a steaming hot shower, deep conditioning my hair, shaving every inch of me and enjoying the peace. When I get out I put on fresh, clean clothes and start cleaning up around the apartment. It was clean for a whole three days after Storm cleaned it.

So, I do multiple loads of laundry and unload then re load the dishwasher. I vacuum cautiously and even change the sheets on our bed. I light a few candles and sit on the couch once I'm finished and dive into a book that I've been dying to read.

I relax for a while and then decide to start dinner around five. I go with spaghetti, meatball and homemade red sauce that's a family recipe. Luckily I checked ahead of time and we have all of the right ingredients for it. I make the meatballs with ground beef and some seasoning, putting them into the oven since they'll take the longest to cook.

Rowan wakes up around five thirty so I end up grabbing him, getting him on my boob and feeding him while I finish cooking. I'm careful not splash any hot water or sauce on him of course and not much later Storm comes walking through the front door "Baby" he says with a smile and sets his duffle bag down next to the door.

"Hey handsome" he walks over, kisses my cheek and lightly kisses Rowan on the forehead.

"Can I help with anything?" he looks around and sees the table is all set.

"When the timer goes off can you take out the rolls?" he nods.

"Of course, how was he today?" I adjust him over my shoulder with a towel and start burping him.

He let's out the loudest burp and we both crack up "He's been good, such a happy boy and he slept for a long time" I say with a smile.

"I'm glad, I'm sorry practice have been so much lately. Coach is killing us with playoffs coming up but once that's done we'll have all the time together" he grabs a beer from the fridge.

"Storm, this is your job and I knew that going into this. As happy as I am that the seasons almost done I still want you to make it to the Championship and kick ass" he grins

"Me too Beauty but I'm also looking forward to a break with two of my favorite people" he pulls the rolls out and then takes Rowan from me, so I can finish up.

When everything's ready he lays Row in his play pin in the living room with a kids show on the TV. Rowan's been great at tummy time, and amusing himself when we put him in the play pin. We sit at the table and serve ourselves the first bite makes me moan because I will toot my own horn and say damn, this turned out amazing. The meatballs are so flavorful and the sauce is perfect, not overly sweet. I watch Storm's reaction after his first bite and he lets out a moan.

"This is incredible baby, thank you" he sips on his beer and I enjoy some sparkling apple cider. I don't want to drink while I'm breastfeeding even though I know I could pump and dump.

He puts away the left overs and cleans up, while I run a bath for Rowan. I use a small tub that I put inside our larger one. I play some fun music in the background and he plays with a toy while I bath him. Afterwards I dry him off and rub baby lotion all over him, which he loves because it's like a full body massage. I put him in a Bruins onesie pajama that I recently bought to surprise Storm and then walk out into the kitchen.

"What do you think of his new pajamas?" I ask and Storm turns around.

His face lights up "No way, when did you get that?!"

He walks over and takes him from my arms "They came in the mail earlier today... I wanted to surprise you" he kisses my cheek.

"I love it Beauty, the best surprise" we walk over into the living room and I watch Storm play with Rowan.

Row's eyes light up and he lets out the cutest little giggles. As he keeps growing, he looks more and more like Storm. He has these dark brown curls and similar facial features but my blue eyes. Luckily he got Storm's olive skin because it would suck for him to be pale and allergic to the sun like I am. I was always jealous of Jack and Archer growing up because of their olive skin, I had to lather myself in sunscreen and still turned as red as a lobster.

I watch the two interact and it warms my heart, watching Storm become a father has been one of the most beautiful things to witness. He is so loving, patient and attentive always helping out and wanting to hold him or change his diapers. He rushes home after practice or wants to have family time after his games and not go out and celebrate with his team. Occasionally he'll go out but only for a couple hours or we both go out and my dad watches Row.

But, both of us get separation anxiety when we go out or have a date night. Of course we enjoy our alone time and making time for each other but we get excited to get back home to our boy. Once we see how far the Bruins go in the playoffs, we're planning a trip to see his mom and Noel then flying to New York to see my family, Jack and Kenzie.

Jack's been talking to me about the proposal he's been planning and I can't wait because it's been a long time coming. I know that Kenzie has had doubts since it's taken him so long, but I keep assuring her that she has nothing to worry about. Storm and I have talked about marriage and eventually see that happening for us, but we're not in a rush. I love him and I know that we're committed to each other, so right now we're enjoying being new parents.

Storm starts to rock Row to sleep around eight while I fold the last load of laundry. He always falls asleep so fast for him compared to the fight he'll put up with me. Lately we've been trying to put him in his crib with the baby monitor and then in the middle of the night when he cries I'll bring him back into our room and he'll sleep with us for the rest of the night. I just want him to get used to sleeping alone so that when we full transition to it, he doesn't have a hard time.

Storm comes out after he's down and we end up watching a movie and then heading to our room around eleven. We're both exhausted but the second he kisses that spot on the nape of my neck, I'm putty in his hands. We strip each other down to nothing and I get lost him as he worships my body. We try to keep quiet but sometimes it's hard so now I just bury my face into a pillow to help. Afterwards we fall asleep in each other's arms and I think to myself how did I get so lucky? I feel like my life is so full filled between my two boys and I have to pinch myself as a reminder that it's not all just a dream.