barlissa abbott elementary ship novel

melissas pov

it's the first day back from holiday break. i'm excited to see barb, we've been texting but it's not the same as seeing each other in person. barb was on holiday vacation, she also sent me videos of all the kids in her christmas play, which of course she directed. it's been busy , life lately, and i miss us so much. i dont think that barbara even knows there's an us. i want an us. an us that's not just coworkers and friends. i want more then that. i want HER. i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to access that. of course , from my knowledge barbara likes, well.. men. all i know is, she's definitely an ally. i'm queer, and although i mostly mention getting with  men most of the time , i definitely get around to a variety of different people.
you know, it's like barbara is the only woman, the only person, i could find myself honestly romantically falling in love with and being attracted to. we've been such close friends for so long though , i don't wanna bring it up and make our relationship awkward if she's not mutually interested. i've been thinking about this for a while. i may talk abt it with her privately sometime today, maybe at lunch.
barbara's marriage to her husband has been struggling a lot recently, she tells me in long pent up vents all the time. im glad she can trust me with that information, and ofc, like i said before , i'd kill for barbara. id do anything for her. we haven't talked in around 2 days, due to lesson planning , which barbara and i take very seriously, and im happy to catch up with her. i hate seeing barbara unhappy, but especially unhappy in her marriage. marriage is an important thing to her, something she's very passionate about. barbara is a patient, empathetic woman , a LOT more then i am.. but i don't think  she'd put up with a lessened spark for too much longer. she may be sweet around the kids but she sure is tough around everyone else. that's what i like about her. of course , i like many things about her, but that's a big thing.
she's able to match my energy, which is rare because not many people can.
the possibility of me and barbara ever getting together is extremely slim, but honestly , i have hopes. of course , if she is straight i will respect that, id never wanna make her uncomfortable.. but, she doesn't know this , as i never point it out- i always notice her gazing at my breasts. of course, i'm guilty about that too, but i always make sure to look away before she sees. 
we never could act on our attraction , because of barbara being married, which is why i always try to hook up with guys. maybe i can convince myself to not be with barbara , you know ?
being with barbara would be a dream come true.
one that will hopefully, be fulfilled.