h e a r t a c h e

chapter 1

i mean, really, there's nothing wrong with love, is there? i remember talking with canada about it once, over some tea. canada's pleasant, and while i do prefer his elder brother, talking with him every once and a while is nice.

"canada?" i asked, and he looked at me, a small smirk. "that's my name, not a question." he responded, and i chuckled. he was like his brother in a few ways - same dry humor, mostly.

"but what is your question?" canada continued, sincere as he took another sip of his tea. "what do you think of love?"

his brow quirked at that. "as a concept? i think it's nice, though i can't see myself with anybody in particular. in practice? messy." canada looked away as he finished, a little downcast, and i nodded. i knew about the tumultuous relationship between his mothers, britain and france. america had told me more than enough about them whenever we talked.

"there's nothing wrong with it though, i suppose." canada shrugged, eyes bright again. "why'd you ask me about that, anyway? you never struck me as the type to be in love either." he smirked. "unless you've got a little crush on someone?"

did he suspect i liked his brother more than as just a friend? oh no- what if he'd told other countries? what if they knew what i'd do for him? what if they told him? what if he thought i was a freak?

"oh- well, um- i just-" "i'm joking japan, calm down." canada's voice bubbled with laughter, and i sighed with relief. so he didn't know? good. very good. if he did know i'd have to kill him, and that'd be just awful for both me and america. he'd make for a wonderful best man, once i and his brother get married.

we continued to talk for a while after that, idle banter about something or other, some new netflix movie that canada had watched recently, whatever. really, i didn't care much to listen to any of it. all i could really think about was him- america.

i really did hope he'd love me of his own choice! forcing it wasn't something i wanted but if it was needed i'd do it. how would i do it? there's plenty of mind-altering drugs out there i could use. or possibly just sedate him, if the time came to it.

america was strong of course, one of my favorite attributes of him. he'd once lifted me over his head with one arm and little to no issue. maybe that's not so impressive, considering how small and light i am, but to me it was magnificent!

obviously though, that'd also mean if he didn't like me back and i'd already disposed of any other countries in my way and revealed that to him- to say it plainly, he'd "snap me in half like a twig", as wales once so eloquently put it. and that'd do me no good, so if he didn't feel the same, then i'd just have something prepared to knock him out...

"you know, i think philippines actually has a little crush on america." canada's voice cuts through me like a blade. "h-huh?" i say dumbly, and canada only blinks back, equally dumbly. "i think phil has a little crush on my brother. it's not a lot, but he seems a little awkward around him sometimes, likes to touch his arm a lot. i don't think america even notices it."

something begins to bubble and burn inside of me. it takes all my will to not flip over the table and find philippines to- to- do something to him.

"woah, hey, japan you alright?" canada sets a hand on my shoulder, and i realize i've let my emotions show, face scrunched. quickly, i think of a lie. "oh, my stomach just hurts a bit. i think i maybe had too much tea." canada doesn't let go, still seeming concerned, but i think he's bought the lie.

"how about we go inside?" canada suggests, standing up. "it's getting a little warm." i nod, and stand with him. as we head inside, i can't help but think of what he told me.

philippines likes america? oh, this simply, really, would not do.

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a/n: after years of not looking on my Wattpad i finally decide to. i saw all of your comments, and while i don't plan on writing for countryhumans any longer as i've set sights for new horizons, i found this old draft and figured you all deserved to see it. enjoy this crumb of the cake you never got.