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"You have got to be kidding me." I yell into the phone.
"Where the hell are you?" I hang up and throw my phone across the trailer. Running my fingers through my hair, I make my way to the bathroom.
That little shit just ran out of here again.
People tell you relationships are hard they just never talk about what it's like to be with someone who never knows what they want. And how draining it can be to be the second option in your own relationship.
I've tried for so long to get JJ to open up, to get him to let walls down, but no matter what, he won't open up. He doesn't trust me.
And honestly, I don't know how much longer I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me.
I walk into the bathroom and turn on the light. I walk over to the shower and turn on the water. As the water warms up, steam begins to build in the bathroom. The mirror fogs up and it becomes a little harder to breathe.
I begin so undressing and take my hair out of the messy, but it is in. I look at myself in the foggy mirror and mentally groan at the sight in front of me.
if I saw myself now, two years ago, I would've screamed. In the last several years, I've changed a lot. After everything that happened with the Pogues, I lost myself in the process.
When we got back from finding the gold, I went through a bit of an identity crisis. No, I never described it with anybody. It really took a toll on me. JJ noticed but he never really pushed me to talk about it. Sometimes I wish he did to show he cared. Sometimes I wish he would fight back with me to show he cares. But every time something happens, he just walks out. Maybe to stop myself from saying some thing bad or hurtful. But it hurts more knowing he would rather let me be alone in silence, and hurt alone than comfort me. Or even fight for me.
It hurts loving someone knowing they don't love you the same. Or at least don't show it.
After a long moment of looking at myself, I turn to the shower and get in. The water pours on me in the most comforting way possible. No matter how bad my days are a shower always makes me feel better. It helps clean off the stress of the days and the traumas of the nights.
