The Jemily Chronicles

I Remember

Summary: Two people. Ten paragraphs. A thousand words. One epic love story.
A/N: Saw this 1000 word challenge, so I attempted to give it a go.

+/+\+

I remember when we met properly for the first time. She was so excited to be at the BAU, eager to start work with a smile across her face, despite being a dreary Monday morning; I liked that. Our job could be harrowing, but I knew if I could see her smile at least once a day, it would wash away the horrors we saw. I showed her around the office and walked through our procedures. I made sure to ask her questions so I could hear her talk; there was something about her voice that was just so soothing.

I remember when I told her about my sister for the first time. She found me in my office after a case; I didn't want to open up about something so painful to someone I barely knew; somehow, she made it easy. As I sobbed, she held me, and she didn't say a word until I had finished. I had no idea how someone who seemed so cold towards others was the sweetest person I had come to know. I hoped I could be the same for her, but I hadn't seen her open up to anyone since knowing her.

I remember our first girls night together. It was supposed to be a relaxing night, but somehow we ended up at a club at three AM. The alcohol that coursed through my veins made me a little more confident than I would have liked; confident enough to dance with her. Our bodies moved flawlessly together. She didn't seem to mind that I was close enough to her to feel her hot breath on my cheek, that my fingers grazed the showing skin on her hips as we moved together; I certainly didn't mind how her skin felt against my own.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I'd always wanted kids, but I felt my heart sink when the test came back positive. He wasn't the one I wanted a family with, and now I had no idea what to do. At that moment, I realised how much I loved her, how much I wanted her as the other parent to this child. I sat on the toilet and cried; I didn't know whether I was happy or not, I just hoped things between us wouldn't change; I knew I didn't want a life without her in it.

I remember when I saw her playing with my son for the first time. She had come over with a gift for him and coffee for me. Any excuse to see him was what she said, but I had hoped she missed me around the office; even if it was just a little bit. Twenty minutes later, I'd left the room to answer a call, and I came back to see them playing on the floor. I stayed back and watched them both; she looked so happy to be in his little world, I couldn't bear to intrude on them.

I remember when I talked to Rossi about her. I asked him if he had ever loved anyone else while he had been married; he told me his biggest love had always been work. I didn't know how to explain that I had fallen for her, how I was scared to love her. As I looked up, she walked in the far side of the room, and I smiled; just being in the same room as her made me happy. He saw that, so he quietly told me: if you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.

I remember when she died, only then I knew how much I loved her, that I'd spent the last four years hiding how I felt. It was hard to mourn her absence as nothing more than a friend, to act like I still in love with him. I didn't realise how big of a part she played in my life until she wasn't there any more. My heart broke whenever my son asked after her; I couldn't bring myself to tell him anything more than that she loved him. Oh, she adored him more than I ever thought she could.

I remember when I made my decision. She had been back for three weeks, she was finally back, and that's when I knew I couldn't live a lie anymore. I sat down with him, ready to tell him the truth that I didn't love him. He surprised me; he wasn't mad, just asked that whoever it was I loved was a good person for our son to be around. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but every time I tried, something got in the way. I started to think that maybe we were meant to be star-crossed lovers.

I remember when I told her how beautiful she was and how she didn't believe me. The quick flash of doubt across her face broke my heart, so I explained to her that when I looked at her, I knew all the heartache and pain of my past had been worth it because it led me to her; how when I saw her, where she saw scars and imperfection, I saw immense beauty and incredible strength. I could tell she didn't believe me, but I would defend every word for the rest of my life if she would let me.

I remember when I asked her to marry me. I hadn't known until that moment when I wanted to ask her, but as we danced in Rossi's back yard, I just knew. She'd protected me, loved me when I didn't love myself; she loved my son like he was her own. The words slipped out, a whisper for only her to hear. I thought she'd run, but she just nodded and kissed me; she kissed me like nothing else in the world mattered. I knew then how foolish I had been, to love her in secret for all those years.