mayas sister

realisation

Well thing between Andy and I are very different to before it really  awkward, kinda sad actually, it's 4 days after the surgery and i haven't seen her for 2 days, she stayed for 2 and then left, will I see her again or was it all her final goodbye, I'm not sure honestly. But one thing I am sure of is I will marry her one day, I know she still loves me  I saw it in her eyes. Realising you still love someone is confusing especially since you thought that love was gone, but seeing her brings all thoes past feelings that you've gently pushed away it bring this back to the surface and things become harder to hide, it's like depression, when one person notices you think others notice to, but they dont and sometimes you really need someone to notice before things get to much and you shut down from the world, so yeh my brain is a train wreck at the moment much like my physical state actually missing a leg now many more scars, some look like they definitely shouldn't be there reminds me of a low point in my life but I'm not there I'm happy i think, well that's what I tell myself, I used to have this saying fake it till you make it, I still use it from time to time but sometimes you get so tired of faking it you just want someone to see the true colours.

"Hi," Andy says walking through the door, I am Suprised to see her didn't think she would be back to see me really.
"Hey," I say weakly the voice in my head may be loud but my actual voice is weak from trauma and well not using it for a while had a bit a thing with a tube recently you know the one that help you breath.
"How you doing mads," she says bringing a little bit of normality back with the old nickname.
"I'm ok, could be better but I'm ok," I'm still talking quietly but that's to no one's Suprise.
"Good," she says sitting down, I want to try something there's two ways this will go, she will either stay and join me or she will leave and never return do I risk everything I want and could possibly need or do I play it safe, you know what screw if you only live once, I lift the corner of my cover indicating for her to join me, she stands up and slowly joins me, I'm glad she chose this option, she gently rests her head on my chest careful of any incisions I may have.
"Andy, I love you," I say as I'm drifting to sleep. I didn't know I was going to say this until I said it but I guess it wasn't a bad decision considering what followed. She gently presses her lips on mine creating metaphorical fireworks.
"I love you to,dont ever forget that," she says as I drift off to sleep. This is when I realised she is my everything, some people say that you  can have more than one love in you life but for me that isn't the case, for me there is just one, and the one is Andy she is the one for me, it's her, it's always been her, and it will always be her.
she may be older than me by 6 years but in my mind nothing will come between us again, if it does I won't run and hide from problems I will stand and face it, I'll wear my heart on my sleeve dispite the pain it could cause, It will be worth it in the long run.
Everyone else I dated, I wasn't in love with them, they didn't truly love me I might if thought they did but looking back now they were just side characters in my story, and bumps in the road, not the brightest stars in the sky, they would've been me settling, now I'm not settled I'm happy, and this is who I want to spend forever with, the only problem with that is. nothing last forever. forever is a lie.

❤AN, I'm not sure if I end the story here on a happy note or do I keep it going this year I have a lot going on, like my final exams for school qnd my Duke of Edinburgh gold award so updates would be slow and I'm slowly running out of ideas, if you would like me to continue and have any ideas please let me know in the private messages or comments, thank you to all who have made it this far, I am most likely going to continue but I might take a while, so apologies, but seriously let me know if you want anything specific in this book❤