blast! → the clone wars

xi. serenity

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TARA DIDN'T SLEEP WELL THAT NIGHT, and it had nothing to do with Senator Jearren's sofa. In fact, it had to do with the senator herself...and the time they had spent together all those years ago. The Jedi was used to confronting such memories, for she had on many occasions, but never before had they been so consistent; usually she could dismiss them and focus on something else, but that night she found herself incapable of doing so. She supposed it made sense, but that didn't mean she liked it in the slightest. She was, however, rather fond of the memories themselves.

Lilah Jearren and Tara Verras first met ten years before the war, back when the latter was still a padawan and the former's mother was still senator. Tara had never really experienced romantic attraction before, but the moment the two teenagers locked eyes, she could easily put a name to what she was feeling—and the Force told her that feeling was mutual.

Tara had always been a rule follower, more so than most of her peers. She viewed the Jedi Code as sacred, and many believed that she would grow to become everything a Jedi should truly be—which, of course, she did. She knew attachment was forbidden, yet she found herself growing closer and closer to the senator's daughter.

The mission meant they didn't leave each other's side for days. Lilah, who was bold even then, would flirt, and Tara would blush but otherwise keep quiet, repeating the Code in her head over and over again to help maintain her composure.

"You can keep quiet all you want, Tara Verras, but your eyes say everything your voice does not," Lilah told her once, a smirk playing across her lips. They had been alone in the senator's residence, waiting for a meeting to end so they could start the journey to Corellia. They hadn't known each other but a day, but they didn't need much time. It was the first of many times she tried to wear Tara down.

Eventually, it worked.

Their arrival on Corellia had not been without its danger. Shaak Ti had to use the Force to deter a thrown bottle from hitting the senator and Tara had to do the same thing for Lilah, but instead of a thrown bottle it was a lunging man. The pair had shared a look afterward, a rare one where Lilah's usually playful gaze sobered up, her wide eyes doing as much taking as Tara's had back on Coruscant. Tara would never forget that look, but what came next was even more memorable.

When the two found themselves alone next, Lilah didn't flirt. Instead she stepped toward the padawan and took a deep breath before grabbing her hands and confessing her feelings. The content of the confession didn't surprise Tara; what surprised her was how vulnerable she felt in that moment, because she too had developed feelings.

And that was what always haunted her. That was what kept her up that night. She too admitted her feelings, and she nearly acted on them until she remembered her duty and stepped back sadly. Lilah was disappointed, but she understood—after all, they had both been forced to grow up far too quickly, they knew their duties would always come before any feelings. But, as Lilah said, they'd always have their time spent together that fateful week.

She hadn't been wrong.

Tara was up first that morning, waking from her brief slumber even before the Coruscanti sun. There was never much to do on protection missions when alone so early, so she spent her time combing through any and all data she had revolving around the attack and who could have perpetrated it.

"You always were an early riser," came the fond voice of Lilah Jearren an hour and a half later, and Tara turned away from her datapad to set her gaze upon the woman.
"I suppose some things never change."