I remember being a little child, with worries that could be compared to the size of an ant. I would sleep early, sometimes even dream before I'd actually have the chance to go to bed. I dreamt of becoming a kind person. I dreamt of knowing colors like the back of my hand, but every day I see the sun set, I'd be shocked to feel only blue colors.
Moving on, I never not feared it. I loved growing but ever since I felt the threat of it closing in, and seeing everyone else around me doing it without me...
I've never felt this much pain.
It's as if the blue would be covering the red as soon as the sun leaves our vision.
There have been simpler times and even if this feeling is too complex to be described as simple, no tears could let the pain out.
As the sun rises and I lay in bed with dark circles under my eyes and even more lines fold in between of my skin, I've never felt bigger changes than then light entering my room.
The blue colors are back, the red is slowly vanishing again and the hidden knowledge behind the sides of colors are getting foggier by the second.
It's a barrier with little intervals in between. A wall that slows the process of deliverance, and a wall that leaves me blinded.
Being taken away on an island, loosing all touch of reality but being so deeply in the complex feelings, you start sinking in and finally give into the " I do's".
Every day I become more aware of the line separating me from what's there.
Under the rain showers my tears won't be seen, even when I'm in the dry.
No one's ever seen and I'm fine with that.
It's like the sun rising from the dephts of the blues. The red finally showing again. Everyone only sees one side of the colors, even when there are hundreds of different understandings behind the combinations of codes. After all the patterns finally vanish from my heart and what's left behind are the simple colors with complex tones. Because, as the sun sets, no one will ever see the day the sun rises.
