Bad Choices

Chapter 1

We broke up a month ago. But whenever his contact name would flash on my phone screen I'd be there for him in his reach, he was like a vinyl, a CD, always had me dancing to his tune. Whenever he needed me for company at 2am in I'd show up at his apartment like a puppy that longs for his owner

I was timid and naïve to believe that it was love, even though all along I knew it wasn't. I was just obsessed with the thought of him maybe learning to love me and all he needed was time but i was wrong, I was always wrong when it came him.

At first I was convinced that he would do that for me too but I was wrong. He used me and when he eventually got bored of me he ended it with a lame excuse. I would be lying if I said I was crying for just a few days, I literally bawled my eyes out everyday this past month. He would call me almost everyday of the week in the middle of the night. Each time I would get there and hope for the silver lining but in the end I'd get jealous, hurt and disappointed. But what did I expect? Each time I arrived there would be a pair of panties laying on the ground like some sort of decoration, or his lips bruised by making out and twice I've seen two different girls leave his apartment. Other times he was completely wasted or high on whatever narcotics he has in use. I hated seeing him like that but I didn't understand why he ended things but needed me every night after doing what he does. It killed me inside, he confused me to the point where I think I'm the insane person here .

Tonight was different. I opened the door with spare key he had given me when we started dating three years ago. I saw him sitting in the dark on the ground next to the couch , his head leaning back on the couch. I switched the light on and took off my shoes placing them at the front as I stepped closer to him.  I heard sniffles and deep heavy breaths coming from him, I expected him to be drunk, but he was very much sober but what I wasn't expecting was for him as got to him was to be crying . He was crying

The stone cold, sharp-witted and cheeky man that I've learnt to know was crying. I've never seen him cry before, it hurt me. My heart lurched and throbbed in my chest. I lowered myself to his level. He was sat with his knees to his chest like a child after getting a scolding. He looked at me cupping my cheeks in his larger palms as my tears starting falling in unison with his. I cupped his face as well wiping his tears and gently brushing his hair out of his face, he was sweating, he looked terrified. He looked broken, hurt, and confused. "Jongsuk, what happened?" I asked with a stoic and concerned tone and expression

"I hate how you make me feel." He blurted out. Confusing me, I squinted my eyes and furrowed my brows.
"No matter where I go and who I met, no one felt like you, they didn't feel like you, smile like you, smell like you, laugh like you, taste like you, have the same innocence as you whenever I made a dirty joke, I tried to hook up with many girls but no one made me feel the way you do and I completely regret that." He cried out as his voice wavered. "They just aren't you" he smiled through his tears, "Jihyun do you realise that you make me lose my mind whenever I am around you. Loving you and being loved by you makes me feel like you ripped my heart out and rendered it into something almost as beautiful as you, you make my heart feel beautiful, I get this weird feeling in my heart and stomach when I think of you." He sighs as he chuckles to himself his tears still falling
"I never knew I made you feel like that Jongsuk why didn't you say this before?" I breathed out now still wiping his tears. 
"Jihyun I know I never showed you how much I loved you but I honestly did. I'm really sorry for hurting you the way I did."

I was at a loss for words. Was he afraid of hurting me? It sounded more like he was hurting himself because he couldn't speak to me.

Edit because you just realised you wasted your time and should be doing something productive :)