Forgiven (JD x Veronica)

Chapter 23

Veronica Sawyer was in love with Jason Dean. It wasn't a hypothetical thought, or random daydream, but a real, beating and throbbing desire she faced. This was something that had always plagued her. Even before he had gone insane, killed three people, and blown himself up, she found herself insecure about her attraction to him. He was handsome and charming, dark and wistful, and he understood her, perhaps too well, but there was always a voice nagging at her in the back of her head about how much of a bad idea he was. How dating him, loving him was an irreversible mistake. Coincidentally, the voice happened to sound very similar to Chandler's.

Irritatingly, the voice decided to materialize itself next to her on her drive home. Chandler didn't say anything. Didn't bother to glare or stare, smile or snicker, her ghost simply looked out the window and watched. Her glossy, snow white eyes trailed the road beside them. Veronica was extremely unnerved by it, but was thankful for the peace of mind.
Maybe... Veronica thought. Maybe Heather understood what it was like.

Together they rode, in pure, blissful silence back to Veronica's house. Once she had pulled in the driveway did Chandler actually bother to do anything. She reached out, and grabbed Veronica's wrist. Veronica wouldn't have felt the sensation if it weren't for the blistering cold that shot up her arm. Irritated, she turned to face her.

"What?" She hissed through gritted teeth.

Chandler looked her up and down with a cocked eyebrow. "That was a pretty stupid move back there."

"Yeah, you almost killing me? Pretty stupid, I agree."

"No, you fucking corn-nut, running away."

Veronica paused. She couldn't even begin to argue. Chandler was right, as much as it pained her to admit. It was stupid of her to run. But she couldn't imagine staying. She couldn't bear to think of the scar across JD's lips twisting upwards as he smiled, or how his hair was scraggy from her bandaging it, or how he would've probably stroked the side of her face with his calloused hands before kissing her again. She couldn't bear to think of staying in a situation that seemed so gentle yet felt so harmful.

"I-I..." Veronica sighed. "I know."

"You've always done that." Veronica glanced up at Chandler. "Ran away. Even before you met..." Chandler's face twisted into a look of disgust. "Him. Whether it was me, or Martha, or the entire school itself... if you started something stupid, you would turn and run. And it's clear that hasn't changed much."

"Did you materialize just to make me feel like shit?"

Chandler smirked. A quick quiver of her lips turning up before her face resumed its glooming grimace. "No. Veronica, despite your increasing list of fuck-ups, I do want to see you succeed."

"If you wanted to see me succeed, you wouldn't be here. Looking at you is like looking a giant painted sign telling me that I fucked up." Veronica retorted, crossing her arms and blowing a chunk of her hair out of her face.

"But you did. And you can't run from that, ever. No matter how hard you try, I will always be behind you." Chandler's face fell as her eyes drifted down. "I never got the chance to right my wrongs...even if I was given it, I wouldn't have taken it, but you have the opportunity to make everything right, Veronica. I just want to see you use it. Stop running away."
Veronica sighed, hitting her head against the steering wheel. Chandler's words... they didn't hurt.

They stung. They stung in a bittersweet and harmonic way, the same way melancholic lyrics to an elegy resonated with the heart. And they were true. Veronica did fear what would happen if she stayed. She turned away from the worst in hopes of it just disappearing. She raised her head to look over at Chandler, to nod her head and agree, that from here out, she was going to stop running away, but Chandler had long de-materialized, having returned to the land of the dead, leaving Veronica in a lonely pit of her own self-destruction.