ilef.

chapter one.

nessa

I slow down my pace when I have my family's house in sight. I don't want to go in just yet. I know what will happen again, and even if I'm used to it, I can't accept it.

I get my keys out of my backpack and slowly adjust it against the lock. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a brief seconds, already hearing my mom and her husband's fighting. I turn the key in it's lock and open the door and go in quietly. I don't even bother taking my shoes off, I just want to get into my room.

With every step I take further torwards the kitchen, my step dad's yelling gets clearer and louder. More aggressively, even. I stand next to the door to the kitchen because there's no way I can just pass by there without being noticed.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath when my mom is getting quieter with everything my step father is saying. She's giving up, there's no denying in that. "We'll talk about it later, I'm not finished." My step dad angrily hisses at her as he walks away. My mom walks out the door with a expression like every other day. Not emotionless but blank.

It has been going like this ever since I can remember. I thought it was normal when I grew up. I'm 16, almost 17 now, I know that this isn't normal at all.

When my mom walks out of the door she see's me standing there, worried. Even though I'm used to it, it's still intimidating and scary. My mom stops when she sees me and slowly shakes her head, her expression changing into worry. I gesture to her to move. My step father can't notice me now. But my mom doesn't get that.

I hear loud footsteps coming my way. My mother looks to her right and then my step dad appears next to her, looking at me. I look up at him and he looks angry, really angry. I think his anger grows more every day. I look at my mom but she turns around. No, please, don't leave me alone like this. I look at my step father again as he takes a step closer to me.

I'm taking a dumb decision now, I push past him and run up the stairs and into my room. I hear him yelling as he follows me. Just when I try to open my bedroom door he grabs me from behind and pushes me to the ground. He holds me on the ground by the neck as he hovers over me, trying to keep me down.

Before I can defent myself I feel the first punch hitting me right on the cheek. His punches are always hard, they hurt so much. Another one hits me right next to my eye and I swear I saw stars for a second. After he delivers his third punch right across my whole face he lets me go. I lay on the floor, trying to catch my breath as I look up at him, scared he'd do anything else. He steps back and walks torwards the staircase.

"This should teach you a lesson." He says as he walks down, leaving me on the floor. He always says that. Why? Does he try to make things right with that statement? Well, it doesn't.

I get up and walk straight into the bathroom and look in the mirror. I sigh as I take in the damage on my face that just healed from the last time. I lick my lips, tasting the metallic flavor of my blood. I start cleaning up the bruises in my face as I hear the front door close. My step father is finally leaving and the house goes quiet immediately.

I walk into my bedroom and get changed into some loose sweatpants and a hoodie. It's already dark outside since I had training until a hour ago. I always get home really late which I'm thanking my training for. I know I lied to my mom and her husband about having a personal trainer at the gym but that's the only way I could get a membership they'd pay for. I'm just using it to get away from home and it helps, kind of at least.

______

I wake up early today. I get into the bathroom, take a shower, brush my teeths and get dressed in a long, loosely fitting, dark blue jeans and a grey zip up with some script on it. I walk into my room and start covering up the bruises my step father decided to leave yesterday night. The concealer I'm using is really doing it's job. My step sister gave it to me when she first saw my bruises and brought me them ever since. I'm thankful for that. For her.