As the clock ticked the time by, I couldn't help but allow my mind to be inundated by distant memories. Its constant ticking sort of reminded me of all the time I've wasted all these years. Realization slowly dawned on me. It wasn't the fact that my time was wasted that annoyed me. It was what it was wasted on, which was her. Is it normal for a man like me to become so engulfed by past happenings? Was it ok to still be baffled on why I ever loved her? If it isn't, then I'm in a slump.
She was once my best friend, her name was Jessica, Jessica-Alex Collins. I was her refuge, a friend that I was always there for, her solid ground. I was that sturdy shoulder she would cry on ever so often, always there to pick up those late night calls when she just needed someone to talk to. Took her places, provided her with whatever she pined for. Family never really celebrated her birthday so I was there for her every year with a cupcake and a candle.
She was known as the "unwanted child". She never really had a friend she could trust and had the worst luck with guys. I could never figure it out. Every story she told me seemed like the same soap-opera on repeat, or novella. The histrionic life of a teenage girl who believes her whole world's going to end if she does not have a male sexual companion. Her desperation drove them all away. It was like she enjoyed being heartbroken, longing for her knight and shining armor to alleviate her from loneliness. It was stupid. I constantly had to remind her that life wasn't a fairytale, as usual she never listened.
She had her flaws but it didn't bother me. In my eyes nothing about her was wrong. She was the one I've always wanted. But I was only the best friend, nothing more. This always confused me. If I was only a friend why kiss me? Why lead me on? It was like she saw that I was right for her but only when I was unavailable. It's when I give up hope and move on she wants me throws herself at me, and I don't stop her. It was like a cycle and when I'm single and ready she seems to want to be friends again. It was frustrating and only Mary could console me at this point.
So I disposed myself of this "best friend" realizing that it didn't benefit me in anyway. Always listened to her problems but when it was time to share my enigmas she's nowhere to be found. When I share my love it goes in one ear and out the other but when I find a lover here she comes pulling me away for a night of penetration. I was done. I traded in that teenage novella for the trees of hashish. She keeps me satisfied, but always leaves me hungry for more. Being with her has me on cloud 9 wanting to go higher. She's always just a phone call away and all she wants from me is a white owl to wrap around her and keep her warm. She's what I've been waiting for and I never plan on letting her go.
