Owen and Amelia

Derek's dead... He died I don't wanna feel it

Hey people don't worry I'll continue my other stories, but who doesn't love Amelia and Owen am I right! So this is after Derek is dead and this is the scene when Amelia is pacing on the deck trying to decide whether to take the oxy again.

OWEN: POV

I walk on to the deck of 'The Dream House' to see Amelia. She seemed uncomfortable and out of place, but maybe it's her way of coping with her loss.

"Hey," I said, "It's good to see you."

"Hey," she said barely acknowledging the fact I was standing right in front of her.

"seems like I've been away forever, but I see nothing changed except they chopped down that old tree," I said trying to make conversation.

"yeah," she said back.

"ok I'll see you around," I say about to leave.

"I have a baggy of black market oxy in my coat pocket and I'm trying to decide whether or not to take it," she says abruptly. I paused and turned around. She held the baggy up in the air. "I've got the dead Derek thing completely managed," she paused, "I know people were worried since he died everyones been looking at me waiting for me to fall apart or freak out or just POW become a mess like some bomb everyone thinks it's supposed to go off. My mother was calls 3 to 4 times a day, yeah Addison was calling everyone, makes sense, it's natural," she pauses again, "every man I've ever loved have died including my baby thank you universe, so it should be like great tragedy turned to stone that crap crazy, but I'm good I got this I am fine I'm telling you I'm amazing I am saving lives left and right, I am putting butts in the seats in the OR gallery I mean people are fighting to here me lecture I am entertaining joke joke joke I am funny I'm fun I'm a party I'm doing I'm great, I'm handling the dead Derek thing really well."

"Ok," I say.

"Except today I yelled at Richard who was only trying to invite me for coffee," she says, "and then I went and scored oxy from this junkie doctor."

"But you haven't taken it," I say.

"not yet," she replies, "but I might that's the thing, I really actually might, I have been sober for 1,321 days Owen, I was fine, it was managed, but I might."

"all this stuff you managing," I say, " you're not supposed to be managing, you're supposed to be feeling it grief, loss, pain, it is normal."

"it is not normal," she says.

"it is, it is normal, it is not normal to you because you've never done it instead of feeling it the grief and the pain you've shoved it all down and you do drugs, instead moving through the pain you run from it," I say, "instead dealing with being hurt and alone and afraid this horrible empty feeling that there is, I run from it, I run off, we do these things, we run off, and we we medicate and do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but it's not normal we're supposed to love, and hate, and hurt, and grieve, and break, and be destroyed, we build ourselves to be destroyed again that is human that is humanity that's that's...... that's being alive don't don't avoid it, don't extinguish it." she started to cry.

"Derek died.....he died, I don't wanna feel, I don't think I can, I don't even wanna, I can't I can't , I can't do this, I can't do this!" She sobs about to pull out the bag of oxy.

"You have to, if you don't that bag of oxy won't be your last," I say, and she stilled in realization that she didn't want to do this again. She took a second staring again the baggy and then reached out to hand it to me. I put it in my pocket to later dispose of it. She sobbed and fell to the ground and I hugged her as she cried being there for her.

Later on we went inside the house and no one was home. She didn't want to stay in the house alone that night when Meredith was god knows where. She went to the bathroom and I was on the guest bed. It must have been 11:00 already. I decided that disposing if the drugs outside would be a good idea so I reached for the baggy p, but my pocket was empty.....

"Amelia!!!!!!!" I yelled and barged into the bathroom. She was on the floor and I couldn't feel a pulse. "please don't die on me!!!!" I started CPR trying to start her heart.