Touch ; Karl Jacobs

nineteen

Everything felt beautiful even when we both had some rocky bumps and shaking moments, I wouldn't have asked for anyone better. 

Our UK trip crucially came to a close and the bitterness of saying goodbye to some of the best people I ever met was terrible. I forced myself into our shared hotel room as I stared at myself in the mirror and tried to keep the makeup clean and unsmudged. I sniffed and sucked it up and left the room. I stumbled into someone's chest and I looked up and made contact with the lover boy.

"It's okay to cry when you say goodbye to them you know? It just means you care deeply for them," Karl stated as he gently laid his hands on top of my shoulders and lifted his left arm to gently swipe under my eyes indicating the tears were already flowing. 

I tried to ignore those gut-wrenching feelings as I knew that I don't ever want to be disappointed again in my life just like how my mother had been. For all of these years, I never knew I could meet the most acceptable people who are so kind. 

I sniffed and choked a little as I buried my head into his chest and his arms closed into a bear hug and I felt his hands gently rub my back in a circular motion. I sighed softly, "It's just that...I never had these types of people in my life. I am just so grateful Karl. Thank you." I roughly rubbed my eyes to clear the tears unknowingly rubbing the mascara everywhere under my eyes.

Karl chuckled as he held me tighter and lowered his head near to my ear and softly whispered, "I hope I can be that special person for you, I love you."  

"I...love you too..." I whimpered as I felt myself shake. 

My face softened and the tears just kept overflowing as I was full-on sobbing at this point and I couldn't feel myself wanting to stop. The emotions were all overwhelming me, I had a feeling that I was bottling up everything till this point. 

The feeling of being loved and wanted was too much, it feels unreal at some moments but when it appears right in front of your face it's hard to miss it. Even when you try to deny it. 

His fingers danced around my hair as I stood with my head into his chest staining his white sweater with my overflowing tears. I wish I could understand why that happened but sometimes some questions are better left unanswered. 

We pulled our luggage from Wilbur's rented car and I purposely kept messing with my luggage chain to avoid the looks everyone was giving me. I heard a couple of coughs from behind me and I knew I had to face it sooner or later so I decided to just wing it. 

"Thanks for the uh trip guys! Super fun! Catch you guys later gater!" I joked as I giggled and swayed my hands behind me to avoid them starting at my stimming hands. 

No one thought of that joke as funny as everyone looked at me curiously and was anticipating something from me. I awkwardly looked around and pulled my hands in front of me and sighed quietly.

"I'm not good at showing affection but I was so happy during the whole trip. Thank you to all of you for making this whole thing memorable and George, you'll see them soon. I promise that." I said in a rushed but loud tone hoping everyone had heard every single word. I dread having to repeat myself. 

Wilbur was the first to react as he rushed forward and I felt my hands go in front of me as a defense mechanism I saw Will stop right in front of me but before he chose to back away, I lifted my hands and moved his body closer to mine. 

I hugged him back and I giggled quietly as I felt his body lean down for the height difference.

"Stop laughing you four feet chipmunk!"