The past

.

I used to worry about you everytime I heard sirens
I used to wonder if you were being carried in an ambulance that I just saw
I used to stare at my razors in the shower wondering how many times you'd opened your wrists today
I used to think of ways to stop your pain
I used to believe that I was the reason
I used to
I used to
I began to wonder why you did such horrible things
I began to wonder if it was all real
I began to get dark like you
I began to breath heavily for you at night
I began to
I began to
I tried to find your scars
I tried to find them to kiss them
I tried to do this without you knowing
I tried to help you
I tried to help myself
I tried to
I tried to
You never noticed
You never seemed to wonder
You used to look at me with care
You used to smile at me
You began to drift away
You began to repress
You tried to convince me that you were already dead
You tried
You tried
Once you succeeded
Once you failed
Again you failed
Again you failed
And again
And again
But once you gave up
Once you believed
Once you called me
Once you said 'I can do this '
Once you gave me hope
Once you gave me relief
But you took it away just as quickly as you gave it
Once you promised
Once you broke that promise
Once you told me to give up on you
But how could I do such a thing
Once you asked why I was still around
I told you it was because I loved you
I told you it was because you were my friend
I told you it was because you needed to know your importance
I told you it was because you are the light of my life
I told you it was because the world would be at a great loss without you
I told you it was because ...
I used to wonder how you died this time
I used to wonder who would call me this time
I used to wonder where it happened this time
I used to wonder what hospital you were in this time
I used to
I used to
But now you're gone
But now there's no more worrying ?
But now there's sunshine ?
But now there's smiles ?
But now there's hope ?
But now there's no more tears ?
But now there's a new girl ?
But now there's a new life ?
But now there's me.
Now there's me.
There's me.
Me.
But where are you ?