the gift of fear (tomarry) (harry x death)

living in purgatory and regret

Tom turns eleven. He and Harry travel, alone but together, around Europe, depositing house elves to people he deems important, for months, until it is September again and Hogwarts is to reopen.

During this time he has established two things very well. He does not like himself. He doesn't think he has liked himself in a long, long time. There are many reasons for this. Mostly death, and everytime he has willingly or inadvertently caused it.

He has stopped sleeping. Everytime he closes his eyes he sees a sea of bodies, a dead washed up whale among the elves that will never see the light of life again -- so he stays up. He spends his evening in hotels, drinking coffee and practicing wandless magic (Harry still refuses to buy him a wand -- he says it's a handicap, and he will not have any ward of his lowering himself to such a subpar standard. He will make Tom strong. Tom only sort of appreciates it).

The other thing he has discovered. He does not like himself. But he does like Harry. Harry is just like him, a monster -- and for some reason, this does not deter him. Harry asks Tom nightly if he would like to sleep in his bed with him and though Tom does not sleep, he does sometimes take him up on the offer. He hugs Tom. He forgives him. He wants, in his own, perhaps misguided way, the best for him.

There are things he must block out. (His burnt, scarred hands.) Things he must forgive. (Taking Tom's door away.) And things he must explain away. (Him trying to get Tom to stab a MCPS worker.) But he does like him. He remembers most of all a sandy beach, getting wrapped in Harry's arms, blocking out every glare sent his way.

Forgiveness. Not easily given or received. Tom can taste it on his tongue. He is Joseph, forgiving the brothers that sold him into slavery. And that is okay, he decides.

For his own sanity he must believe it is okay.

By the end of the summer, by the time Hogwarts is to start again, Tom is tired of hotels, of conjured tents. He does miss home, though he is not sad to see it gone.

He has had a lot of time to think while he is sat idle. He comes to a conclusion about himself, about the action that got him here: not quite absolution, but not resentment, either. He had always said that he needed to change his environment. Though the methods were lackluster... they were effective. They are out. The environment is changed. He's done it. He's going to Hogwarts and every house elf trapped in that godforsaken hellhole is now instead trapped with owners Harry has deemed both necessary and fit -- and there is the possibly those owners will be terrible, but, as far as Tom is concerned, anything is better than being with Harry.

Tom is his own God. He has built a new world through his own volition and there was nothing Harry, or Harry's God, could do about it.

This is what it is like to be all powerful. To Harry's disappointment, it is a sickly feeling. He doesn't want to get too comfortable in it.

Tom Riddle floods the Orphanage. Tom Riddle travels Europe with Harry, occasionally stopping to observe some sort of desolate landscape with no explanation and a frown.

And then, Tom Riddle goes to Hogwarts.

Harry accompanies him to the train station. "No need for you to bumble about, worrying about where you need to go," he says. "Platform 9 and 3/4s exists as a weeding device."

Tom grips his trunk and walks toward the podium between Platform 9 and 10. "What do you mean 'weeding device'?"

"Salazar Slytherin came up with it," explains Harry. "The instructions on how to cross are not included on your Hogwarts letters, so if you don't have a wizarding family member, there's the great chance you're going to be locked out. It is to weed out the Muggleborns."