the gift of fear (tomarry) (harry x death)

interlude 2, harry potter; i hold hands with cosmic entities

Those first few years in which Harry resides in the 1930's, he does not even think of Tom. Nor house elves. That business has been abandoned, or not yet discovered, and Harry is, to put a word it, preoccupied: God is gone. He travels the wizarding world and finds that while Harry is indifferent to Muggles and wizards alike, they are fascinated with him. Everyone wants to know about the red, veiny scars on his body. The lightening bolt on his forehead. The words on his hand. His ability to use wandless magic -- something he was forced to learn when he came here; he was not banished with his wand on him.

He is recognizable... but not famous, not known as a monster. It is odd. He thinks he quite likes it. Notable and acceptable but suspicious.

He thinks that the ritual to banish him, back -- or is it in the technical future? -- in the 2000's went wrong. But he does feel banished. Like how John 1 says mortals cannot see God and live, Harry finds he cannot find god. He does not feel like he's living.

He is confused. He is not Hermione, but his time over the years has sharpened him; he remains no fool. He uses his resources, builds his name only as needed, and does all this single mindedly.

It is like God had said. There is something in Harry that needs him. It is for this reason that Harry risks his mind, body, and sanity in his quest -- because he knows that otherwise, he'd lose them all anyways. He speaks to some of the most intelligent wizards or their time, and some of the most crazy.

A theory: Harry was the main subject of the ritual. Perhaps only he was sent back in time and God is stuck in the 2000's.

Another: God has returned to Heaven -- or to Hell -- and because Harry was 'banished,' he's unable to bring Harry with.

These theories, albeit based on fact, also are unhelpful. If that is the truth, then the truth is unchangeable. And Harry will not have that. He refuses. He will find a way. He knows that suffering is essential, that trauma builds character, but this type of loneliness feels excessive.

It is from a curious little boy on the street that provides Harry with what will inevitably be his golden ticket.

Harry is on his way to meet Ollivander. He's a smart, if odd, man with likely many connections. He will recognize Harry, as an eleven year old, later on, but he's come to accept the fact regardless that the timeline is fucked, and he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

Ollivander is an unwavering, unthreatenable man. Killing him, or saying that he will, will not move him. Perhaps Harry should reconsider that conversation he had with God; force is not as good a tool as charm. He imagines Voldemort as a politician and grimaces.

Maybe, he thinks, there is a middleman.

Harry holds in his suitcase all the information he's gathered over the years. Theories, supposed sightings, attempted summonings, rituals, evidence of sacrifices. A little boy bumps into him and Harry's suitcase flies open, spilling papers everywhere.

Before Harry can cast a charm and put them in their place, the little boy says, a lollipop in his mouth, "Is this Death?" He holds up a clipping, an old one, from a fairytale book. Harry had forgotten completely its existence.

Harry takes it from him, snatching it out of his hands and narrowing his eyes. . "How do you know that?"

"The Tale of Three Brothers. In the Beetle and a Bard." He giggles. "That's my favorite story." He mispronounces both 'favorite' and 'story,' but Harry's mind is on other things.

Harry feels the puzzle pieces clink together.

Harry has been asking about God during his research, his quest. But God had said, hadn't he? 'I also go by Death'? Harry has been following the wrong colored thread.