The Lost girl

Chapter 5

"Dearly beloved, are you listening? I can't remember a word that you were saying... Are we demented or am I disturbed? The space that's in between insane and insecure. Oh therapy, can you please fill the void? Am I retarded, or am I just overjoyed? Nobody's perfect, and I stand accused. For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse" Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day is blasting in my headphones as I walk the school halls. I'm keeping my head down so no one will notice me, and so I don't have to look at anyone. I know for a fact that my eyes are red and puffy from crying. Today so far has been the worst for the bullying which is saying something because  first period just finished. I'm trying so hard to disappear into the crowd of people. I don't want anyone to see me, or to talk to me, especially Nat/Alex. I don't have to worry about Ava anymore because she dropped me for the popular kids. That hurt like hell she went from protecting me to hurting me. "Ow, what the fuck was that for," I say out loud without looking up. I don't really care to find out who ran into honesty.

"Well hello to you too. Maybe if you didn't have your music so loud you could have heard me." Alex said as he laughed. Alex has been awfully annoying lately. I know his heart is in the right place. He is just trying to make sure I'm okay after everything that has happened.

"Sorry, Alex I'm just lost in thought. I'm also trying not to bring attention to myself." I can see Alex looking me up and down as I talk to him. He is trying to act like he isn't doing it, but I know he is. I know why he is too I'm wearing the hoodie. The hoodie I normally wear when my depression is taking over. "Alex stop looking at me like that. I'm fine it just was the only clean hoodie that I had. I can prove it to you if you want." I see him shake his head yes. I sigh as I roll up my sleeves to prove to him that I didn't cut. He takes my right wrist in his right hand and slowly flips it over to examine both sides of my arm. He lets go and does the exact same thing to my left arm. " See I told you I'm fine," I say with the best fake smile I could make. I can see in his eyes that he wasn't buying the smile, but he doesn't say anything.

"Here let me carry your books to your next class for you. I have second period free anyway because of study hall." Alex says as he reaches for my books. Normally I would tell him to back off because I can carry my own books, but I let him do it this time. I can see on his face that this made him upset because he knows something is wrong. He takes my books and puts them in one arm. He reaches for my hand with his free arm, and I don't stop him. I let him grab my hand, and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe. We continue walking down the crowded halls hand in hand. When we get to the classroom door Alex lets go of my hand. He handed me my books and gave me a short tight hug. "I'll come pick you up when your class is over." He said as he let me go. Part of me wanted to grab him and stay in his arms forever. The other part of me wanted to run away, and never talk to him again. Only time will tell what side of me wins, but for now, I give him a little nod before walking through the door.