Last Days on Earth: Genesis(Book One)

Chapter 4 - The Day After

" Dad no, no, watch out!!!!"

I woke up panting trying to catch my breath, after waking up from another nightmare just like the others. I lay down in my sweat as I tried to regain control of my body. I looked at the time and it was 7:12 which meant I had missed the alarm I set. My eyes still felt heavy and my mind remained lost in the nightmare I just had.

Our family therapist said it's PTSD and I needed to let go of my burden in order to heal but the truth is I don't believe that one man wearing glasses(I don't get the obsession with glasses), sitting on a chair and asking you questions that even he can't answer, knows something that could stop this nightmare. If he knew it I wouldn't have been on therapy for Five years now.

Mum seems to believe that therapy is the best for me but look we are still stuck in the same spot I found myself five years ago.

If we cut off therapy from our budget we would have been eating like gods. 65 dollar multiplied by the hours I spent in therapy over the last five years is too large for someone sitting down in an office staring at you and asking the weirdest questions like " Do you feel sad, mad, hopeless, stuck or something else?" and yet alot of people still feel therapy works.

The thought of yesterday felt both like a dream and a nightmare at the same time. I finally got to tell Bella how I felt and still managed to mess up everything in the same day. At this rate my life could easily turn into a Netflix biopic. I thought to myself.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door i almost jerked out of bed but it was mum and she was wearing her old flowery pyjamas.

The colours seemed to have seen their better days and the flower patterns that once adorned it seemed so out of place than I remembered.

she strolled to the side of my bed looking worried.

As she sat down next to me i realized the reason she was worried. She must have heard the shouting from her room and came to calm me down.

"Are you still having those nightmares again?." She asked lifting my hand and placing it on hers.

I tried to pull back but it was too late because she grabbed so tightly I could hear my bones crack under her intense grip.

"No it's nothing." I said, as I tried to change the topic but she seemed to believe the opposite because she gave me that "I know you look" so I had no choice but to accept defeat. "Fine I'm still having nightmares but it's nothing to worry about I'm not the first to have nightmares."

"I'll call Dr Murphy to book a session, he said whenever you start having these nightmares I should call him." Mum said pulling out her phone from her pocket.

I held her hands, putting down her phone. "We need to stop spending on therapy. it's been 5 years!!! 5 good years and I still have the same nightmare almost every night." I said holding even tighter to her hands. "It's not working mum and it might never work, stop trying to fix what is broken. I have accepted that I am broken forever"

Lifting up our family picture by my bedside."Your father would be rolling in his grave, seeing you go through all this pain, if he was alive he would have dragged you down to therapy and make sure you spend enough hours with God damn Dr Murphy!!! All I am trying to do here is be a mother and father for you, It is hard and I suck at it but I'm trying my best. I want you to stop blaming yourself for the accident. It is not your fault jade."

She looked even sadder than she did when she got here and once again was my fault. it was my fault dad died. It's hard not to hate myself when I know I caused Dad's death.

The memory of that cold rainy day still lingers in my head like stain on white clothe and tears me apart. Sometimes it feels like I keep reliving that very moment over and over again. I remember smell of the damp air that slapped across my face and the loud screeching of tires as everything went pitch black.