A/N: I know I've been taking forever with these updates, but HERE IS A NEW PART!! I really struggled with this chapter, but it kind of finally came together this week while I had time to dedicate time to it, and I am VERY excited about where this story is going. Heads up for a LOT of grief in this chapter and some Nita being angry. As always, thank you to the wonderful Teletraan_1 (AO3) for beta-reading for me!
Click. Click. Click.
The pilot's chair creaked as Chuckles shifted, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. The blaster was back in his hands, and he was flipping the stun setting on and off again, his mind reflecting on the freshest losses.
It just never ends.
His thumb moved over the button.
Click. Click. Click.
His chest tightened.
At least Ry and Oks are still alive. I hope.
He shook his head.
Nah, worst case they're in jail because Ry got in a fight with one of them and Oks had to pull her off. Yeah.
He huffed a mirthless laugh before succumbing to his emotions. His vision blurred, and his eyes stung. He'd kept his tears of frustration, anger, and grief at bay the entire flight out to the nebula. Now, the familiar pink cloud and starfield sprawled out in front of him, silent as ever. It didn't bring its normal comfort, instead seemingly reminding of everything he'd lost. He huffed a sigh, wiping at his eyes with the heel of his unoccupied hand.
Click. Click. Click.
Nita had gone to bed, mumbling that she wasn't hungry.
She's never not hungry. That kid eats more than a battalion.
The little Pantoran had hardly met his eyes since the moment he'd told her he was ripping her away from Sorgan, from a life that she'd started to rebuild, from a home. He knew it had been the right call, but that did little to assuage the guilt gnawing at his insides.
No kids should have to go through this. There's been so much loss. So much death.
Arni at least seemed to understand why they'd left. They'd helped him navigate back to the nebula, quiet as ever, but he hadn't missed the way their eyes grew distant as they stared at the viewport, or the occasional sniffling. They hadn't said anything about it though.
Click.
He stared down at the blaster in his hands.
And I've been the cause of a lot of it. I've been the one to take them from every home they've ever known. People that looked like me killed their friends. It... it's all been me.
The grief hit Chuckles like a speeder, punching the air from his lungs.
Dammit.
He shuddered as he tried to contain the emotions threatening to overwhelm him, but his vision blurred again as the tears came anyway. Digging his teeth into his lip to try and keep the emotions at bay, he exhaled sharp, shuddering breaths through his nose. He wiped at his eyes in frustration, but that only seemed to bring him closer to the brink of breaking. Leaning forward, he buried his face in his hands and unleashed a shuddering sob.
I can't do this. I can't.
His thoughts returned to the clones he'd shot that day, and the faces of his brothers flashed through his mind.
YOU ARE READING
One Step at a Time
Fanfiction"Execute Order 66." Clone pilot Chuckles has no idea what's happening as he watches clone troopers destroy the Jedi temple, murdering the people they've fought alongside for the last three years. But when he stumbles across two terrified younglings...
