A/N: I have been SO EXCITED for this chapter, and also INCREDIBLY NERVOUS, but HERE IT IS! As always, thank you to the stupendous Teletraan_1 for beta reading this for me!
Warnings: language, mention of suicide, mention of character death, grief
Chuckles didn't go back to the Starlight.
He didn't have any idea where his feet were carrying him until he slid onto a stool in the tiny excuse of a cantina the settlement had. As far as he knew, the place had at least three different names, and he'd never been certain which one was the official one. It always seemed to reek of death sticks and sweat, and it attracted mostly miners, leaving smears of dust from their boots across the floor. It wasn't much, but the camaraderie and feel of the place reminded him of 79s, although the clone bar had definitely been cleaner, even on its worst days.
He wasn't sure why he'd come here. Throughout his training and the war, he'd had more than enough medical droids warn him against drinking with a concussion, and he'd been stupid enough to ignore that advice only once. The worst hangover of his life combined with the exceptionally loud ass-chewing Crater had given him were enough to ensure he never would make that mistake again. His captain hadn't normally been one to raise his voice, but he suspected the volume of the reprimand had been part of the punishment.
Maybe he wanted to be around people, to blend into a crowd.
Unfortunately, the place was mostly empty.
Should have guessed that. Could have if my head wasn't throbbing.
Only two other patrons were there, tucked into corner booths. Normally, you couldn't hear the music coming from the rundown player in the corner, but tonight, the notes easily carried across the cantina, cutting through the silence even at their low volume.
Chuck chose a seat at the far end of the bar, away from the other patrons. He hadn't gotten a good enough look to determine who they were, but he didn't want to sit close enough to encourage conversation. Just because he wanted to be around people didn't mean he actually wanted to interact with them.
He just didn't want to feel alone.
Even with the concussion, he was thinking clearly enough to know he wasn't ready to go back to the Starlight, to the kids he didn't have answers for, to the sheets that still smelled like the woman that had just told him killing those kids and the use of inhibitor chips were justified.
Did she actually say that though?
Chuckles folded his hands and stabbed his thumbs into the crease between his brows, his eyes squeezed shut.
Stop trying to give her an out.
He'd always been one to try and justify, to rationalize someone's bad intentions away in favor of some less malicious reasoning. Crater had teased him about his optimism, but if he was honest, the majority of that optimism had died with Crater and most of his squad.
But this was Endi. She loved kids, or she at least seemed to tolerate them better than most. She loved to teach. She baked the best desserts he'd ever had. Sunlight sparkled in her eyes and her laugh sounded like music. She was gentle and kind and soft and sweet, and the person he believed her to be simply did not match the woman he'd sat next to tonight. The two women were incompatible in every way, and yet they were the same, and no amount of spin or mental contortions would change the fact that she was a danger to Arni and Nita, a danger to him.
How did I not see it?
His mind was still churning when he felt someone sit down next to him heavily. He ignored them for a moment before he felt a nudge in his shoulder.
YOU ARE READING
One Step at a Time
Fanfiction"Execute Order 66." Clone pilot Chuckles has no idea what's happening as he watches clone troopers destroy the Jedi temple, murdering the people they've fought alongside for the last three years. But when he stumbles across two terrified younglings...
