RIKI II: Play The Game

Chapter THIRTEEN

April 7th, 2021 I don't trust Andy. He's cool and all, but very laid back. Maybe it's my paranoia, but I just need to be on my guard. You can't get too comfortable with laid back people because you never know what they want and when they're going to get it.

You ever have one of those days where you're just not in the mood? You try to brighten it yourself or let the day make it good for you somewhere along the time? But all you can do is just endure it until you get home to sleep it off as means of forgetting. This is one of those days for me.

Of the many things that pisses me off about the employees here is them taking their vacation days while I'm carrying their shift. I have busted my ass. It's not fair. I need a month off; some kind of vacation for my mental health.

I hate when people ask me at work how I'm doing, if I'm okay, how my weekend was, blah, blah, blah. I always lie when I answer them because the truth is I'm not okay and I never feel okay. So why are they always concerned how I'm doing when they don't know how I feel or what I'm going through? Fucking annoying. I wish people would stop asking those kinds of questions that seems to be what they consider a normal way of greeting each other. When Andy had me come into his office, he wondered if I was happy working here. I simply said, "Yeah, I'm happy." I need to concentrate and mask all of my emotions. I especially need to hide my frustration when it grows inside me.

April 8th, 2021 I have a plan. First, I'll finish the month of April. Then when May comes, I'll request two weeks off to make my move. I actually wanted the whole month off, but 14 days is fair enough for me. If Andy doesn't give me that, I'll quit. I deserve two weeks off with all the hard work and money I've raised. It's been a while since I gave a reward to myself. Buying myself things is not merely a reward; it's spoiling.

We got two new people on board for Astor Place. First there's Alexandra who is the third MC taking over for Han on his off days. Then there's Miles #2 with blonde hair and slim body fat helping with front desk.

I have this feeling of unease that I might lose my job soon. It maybe because I feel like I'm no longer needed since the new people came in. And it's usually around this time when the sun is up, I'm out of a job. This is my fear of losing. I need to learn to accept and value loss. I've come this far. I should tell myself that at the end of the day, if I lose my job, the only option is take the L and move on. I must remember if that happens, all I need to do is focus on my work performance. I judge myself too harshly. Just do this job until the wheels fall off, Riki. Work hard at your job. If you lose it, you lose it. But first you bust your ass extra every day.

April 13, 2021 Instagram makes me sick. I hate having to look at everyone's lives and the way social media tells people how to live theirs in the "positive, beautiful" way. Whatever the hell that is. I tried to stay off the gram, but when you meet new people you want to find out about each other's business. It's just stupid the way people prostitute their lives. Private people are smart. That's why I live in secret. If anyone has a problem with that, screw them.

The more I play the game, the more I understand what's real and what's fake. There's the game of family where you're surrounded by toxic people who poison you. The only way to beat them is acting the role as a family-oriented character. Then you have the COVID game where everyone is living in fear of a common cold thanks to the media and other bullshitters. The strong can benefit from the chaos and the weak are cut off. You have the game of work; when it comes to your colleagues it's about who's your enemy, who's your friend, and the amount of ass-kissing to climb to the top. Your obedience is what captures the boss and keeps the job functioning like a battery. Finally, there's the love game. One I haven't played yet. I don't think I want to.

For two years I have been playing the game. It has taught me how to be a cunning, manipulative, liar. It has also taught me to be wise. I think after I've gotten to my peace, I'll have to carry on what I have learned. I've planned every detail on what, how, who, and when. The only thing I did not plan was the endgame. I have to come up with a good lie for both Lisa and Brasilia. They have to be different from the other. I could say that I'm going back to school in another state to get my Bachelor's in Communications; a job opportunity waiting for me in another state; I'm joining the Marine Corps.

I need to learn how to cook and do laundry. The only foods I can make for myself are sandwiches, cereal, instant oatmeal, and canned soup. I know how to make eggs and pancakes. I just need to refresh myself on the order they're made with the ingredients.

April 22, 2021 I signed a final performance notice today in Anthony's office. I knew what the whole shit was about before I read it. You must always read before you sign and read before you think. A write up doesn't faze me. If I should get fired, I would rather leave with my freedom than continue the industrial slave labor known as minimum wage. It works out for me either way especially since I have my throne. It wouldn't be wise to lead myself to ruin.

This has happened before. I worked for CAS as a facilitator and site monitor. I took it personally when I was written up. Then there was the NYC Urban Debate League where I was nearly fired then quit because I lost my shit against a white bitch. I cannot repeat my mistakes again. My decisions, choices, actions determine how this game plays out. April is critical for my break in May.

Andy told me about my comfortability at the front desk. He said I needed to be careful when there's a client or if Azul and Cedrick see me surfing the internet, sitting on the desk, or being on my cell phone. I had to be professional; pay attention to MOSO and the members. Andy didn't mind me feeling like I was at home, but I had to keep in mind of the professionalism. I was calm and cool as he spoke to me. We ended the conversation with a fist bump. Olivia's annoying ass had to co-sign reminding me to watch out being laid back. I know I needed to be the face as Andy told me. I also needed to start being on time too. People and their damn complaints. Grow up. -_-

Olivia is attractive, but so full of herself; her Instagram pretty much said so. She's not a pushover either. I would like to challenge Olivia just to knock her ass down a peg or two. She kinda poked my feathers today. I was minding my business paying attention to MOSO with my arms folded. She was putting tape on the back of the signs for the gym.

She asked me, "Are you okay. What's up with you?"

I retort. "I'm good. What's up with you?"

"I'm good." She said matter-of-factly. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"I am weird and I don't like talking to people."

She kept her mouth shut then.