CASSANDRA
"People that love you care about how they make you feel."
"I'm sorry i left without saying anything to you, you always tell me you feel bad every time i did that. I didn't memorize your new number so I'm leaving this text on your Instagram direct messages. I miss you so much. Love you,"
I pressed send, logged out and quickly got out of the girl's washrooms to give Glow's sister her phone back.
"Thank you so much." She gave me a hug and told me to rush back to the dormitories incase the matrons might start to have any suspicions and only allow the form six leavers to exit the building before closing it after there ps extensions were over.
Five days had passed since i last logged in. Here i am in my favorite hiding spot in the washrooms again, eager to see what the guy who gave me my first kiss texted me.
''I don't think i can do this anymore. You're too distant, text me when you're ready to be with me."
I tried to read the text again.
I couldn't.
''Okay.''
So much for some one who hurt my feelings in the first place. I honestly couldn't care less.
—I guess
I still remember it like it happened a few hours ago.
When i was in primary, at a very young age. I had a strong feeling that my brother had always been the most favored one, I felt neglected and I couldn't say anything because i have always been the quiet kid. Every where including school. Making me more vulnerable, I couldn't say anything even when people took advantage of me.
Twelve years old me, first time in boarding.
My big brother also passed this stage two years ago. The difference is,
we came to see him more than how they came to school to see me. I didn't have a-lot of stuffs that could fit in two trunks like how he used to, but the one that i had in my 12 years old unselfish mind, i could not to say no to because I just....couldn't . This is actually one thing that my brother and i had in common. We just can't say no.
Doris told me that, that's quite embarrassing isn't it? But then again she was the sweetest and up until i was in secondary in my third form in secondary was still talking about her to some people. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me during my stay at school as a boarder. She took care of me at school and taught me how to cope with the school environment and people.
—She's been a school boarder ever since she was in grade two, making her one of the toughest students in school. No one picked on me, no one used me again..ever since i got close to Doris, i felt invisible, i felt stronger and more protected. I felt less lonely..... especially after i lost my best friend Marissa. Doris was always there for me.
I was suddenly pushed right besides the stair cases.
"I heard you were looking for me. My boyfriend stood tall in-front of me."
"Yes, i was. We were lucky enough for our names not to be mentioned in the list but those mentioned have been given letters to write those who are not in the first list to ease their punishment. I am so sure one of them might tell on us. So I'm scared and I'm breaking up with you.''
I told him with tears in my eyes. My mother already caught me once and I promised her never to have these kind of relationships in school again, so she'll be furious at me for this and also, I really don't want to disappoint her.
Three hours later I'm shaking in the school bus on my way to home. I even lost count of the strokes that were thrown on my little hands. But that didn't hurt as much as when Nat came to apologize for writing my name with two guys.
