When the bough breaks

Five

It'll pass, it'll pass... I think, as I blow my nose for the thousandth time today.

My nose started bleeding a couple hours ago, as I was finishing an over-the-phone phone conference with Superintendent Thomas and Advisory Admission Manager Lee.

Oxford's most prestigious leaders had just learned of my cancer, my pregnancy, and my son's passing a few hours before the conference. They extended the move-in date for a couple days.

Zander and I have to have all our belongings mailed to the university by next week. It's now April, which means we'll be enrolling for next year's classes.

Finally, the blood dries up, so I begin packing. I pack my clothes and other things in my suitcase as it will be traveling with me and Zander on the plane tomorrow.

I pack all my books in the first box, the ones I need for all my classes, and my personal ones that I read in my spare time in a separate box. After ten minutes, I get all the books packed.

Next, I move on to my personal items. I carefully pack my picture frames of my family and friends over the years in a third box, putting my blanket down under them for support and to make sure they don't get damaged. I choose between my stuffed animal collection from when I was a little girl. I choose my yellow stuffed Rabbit. I put it in the box next.

Then, I go through my electronics. I decide between my tape recorder, which has my dad's favorite rock band from high school on it, or my camera that still contains Dakota's birth and death. I decide to pack my camera, putting it in its protective case before doing so.

Then I pack Dakota's picture frame, his blue blanket, and his ziploc bag of hair in a book bag before putting the bag on my shoulders.

When I stand up, I smile a sad smile. Of course, I'm happy to be going somewhere new with the person that I love, but this was my room. Where the best memories lie.

The nights I was wide awake at two a.m. having a deep conversation with Sam over the phone while she was on vacation with her family for a month.

This was the room where I would cry myself to sleep when I missed having Josie around.

Where I napped with Laylah beside me, as she came down with a fever.

Where Zander and I watched The Ring, scared to death.

As I start to change my mind about leaving, dad comes into the room. "Ready, honey?" He says, lifting a box.

I look at him and nod my head, smiling. "Yeah."

I grab my suitcase and make sure the book bag is securely on my back before walking to dad's car, where Trent sits my heavy suitcase in the backseat.

Sam and the girls waved bye to me from the living room window. I wave back, and sigh.

Dad and Trent drove me to the airport and waved goodbye as I went through security.

Mom was at work when I left so she told me goodbye over the phone, and I could hear the sadness in her voice.

Dalton ran out of the house as we were about to leave clinging onto me, screaming "Don't go!" but I had too.

Clara stayed with him and Sam and the girls while we were gone, so somebody would be there for the now ten year old boy and the girls and Sam.

The airport would have been too chaotic for him anyway, what with the bustling crowds everywhere and loudness. He would have had a seizure for sure.

"Hey, babe." Zander grabs my attention as people are staring at me. "Hmm?" I mumble.