"Kuni...?" Nahida knocked on the bathroom door, "you've been in there for a long time..."
Kunikuzushi sighed, "I'm decent, you can come in."
Nahida pushed the door open and a large steam cloud rolled into her face. She had to close her eyes and wait for it to dissipate. After she was able to safely open her eyes she saw that Kunikuzushi's was sitting on the counter with a razor in his hands.
"Uh, what are you doing?..." Nahida asked.
"Thinking," he responded plainly.
"About?...." She walked in and sat on the rim of the bathtub.
He sighed again, "stuff." He ran the razor up his leg and then rinsed it off in the sink.
"What kind of stuff?" She kicked her legs as she looked around. It didn't seem like Kunikuzushi had been doing anything other than bathing and shaving.
"I'm just... not sure what to say to him..." Kunikuzushi spoke slowly.
"Just tell him how you feel," she smiled, "he'll understand."
Kunikuzushi shook his head, "I know I said I would rather hurt his feelings than lie to him, but... I don't want to do either..."
Nahida nodded, "that's normal. I'm glad you don't want to hurt him."
Kunikuzushi sighed, "you say that like I used to want to hurt people..."
"That's not what I meant by it," she shook her head. "You just never thought about how other people felt. I don't think you ever hurt anyone on purpose."
Kunikuzushi stared at the razor in his hand for a long moment. "... but what if I did, Nahida?..."
"Then it doesn't matter anymore," she stood up, "because you're a different person now. Right?" She held out her hand.
Kunikuzushi paused for a long moment. "I know..." he went back to shaving, ignoring her extended hand.
She frowned, "accept it."
"Accept what?" He gave her a weird look.
"My affection," she put her free hand on her hip. "If I'm your guardian now I'm going to act like it."
Kunikuzushi blinked at her, "but I'm an adult..."
"That doesn't matter! Let me love you!" She stole his leg and embraced it tightly. "Stop being so negative!"
He shook his head, beginning to smile, "you are *so* weird."
"Humph!" She pouted, "is it so wrong of me to want you to be happy?"
Kunikuzushi was a bit shocked by her question. "Well, no... but how do you know what would make me happy?"
"I know Kazuha makes you happy."
"Hah?!"
"You smile a lot when you're with him," she nodded.
"Nahida," he sighed.
"I don't mean anything suspicious about it. It's just a simple fact." She assured him.
He shook his head. "I think he's... I mean he's been nice to me, but I don't know that I necessarily... like him in a not-friendly way..."
Nahida looked him in the eyes as she let go, "does he scare you?"
"Huh?! Scare me?!" Kunikuzushi laughed, "no way! What???"
"I mean, because he looks like..."
Kunikuzushi shook his head, "no, they're different... I guess I just don't really like being touched so much. I mean, he hardly touches me at all, but still."
She nodded, "I get that. I just want to make sure he's safe."
Kunikuzushi rolled his eyes. "Please, he probably couldn't hurt someone if he tried. He's such an Angel."
Nahida stared at him, then blinked her big eyes twice.
"What?... Don't look at me like that, you're making me nervous..."
"Can you repeat what you just said?"
"He couldn't hurt anyone if he tried?"
"No the other part."
He paused, "... no." And went back to shaving.
Nahida pointed at him menacingly, "someone is avoiding their problems!!!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Someone's avoiding their problems?" Someone popped their head in.
"What are you doing here?!" Kunikuzushi pulled his legs to his chest, crossing them in front of himself.
Ei blinked, "what do you mean? Miko told me that she needed me here. She said I had to 'hold down the fort'. And... am I not allowed to visit my..." Her eyes abruptly went to the floor as she saw the anger filling Kunikuzushi's eyes.
Nahida walked over to the door, "don't worry, I'm glad you're here. Can you start a pot of rice for me?"
Ei nodded, "okay..." She slowly walked away, looking at Kunikuzushi once last time with a mournful expression.
Kunikuzushi scoffed quietly to himself as he let go of his legs.
Nahida sighed as she closed the door almost all the way. "She wasn't trying to pry..."
"I know," Kunikuzushi stated flatly.
The small girl paused as she turned to face him. "I know it's hard for you... but talking about your feelings is going to help you get healthy..."
Kunikuzushi sighed heavily, leaning his head against the mirror, "I know... but I don't even know how I feel..."
"Just think about it," she smiled.
"I have been, and I've gotten absolutely nowhere!" He grumbled.
"Just think about it," she nodded, "I'm going to go make dinner." She opened the door.
"You know, she's going to find a way to burn the rice," he said.
Nahida chuckled, "I know, but she just wants to be helpful, so I gave her an opportunity."
Kunikuzushi rolled his eyes with a snort, "an opportunity to burn the house down."
——————
"But you're so short," Ei blinked down at Nahida.
"Just let me cook," she pushed Ei out of the kitchen and grabbed her step stool.
"But-"
"No. You can help by setting the table." She opened the cabinet of dishes and gestured to it.
Ei nodded, "okay... are you sure you don't need-"
"I will be just fine," Nahida insisted, "Kuni can help me if I need it."
Ei paused as she pulled out plates, "oh..."
"He started having people call him that recently," Nahida smiled, "I think it's cute."
"No, it is..." Ei said slowly, thinking deeply.
"Don't worry, he doesn't hate you."
"Are you sure?..."
"You both have changed," Nahida smiled at her. "It will probably take a while before he's comfortable talking to you, but he isn't mad that you're here."
"I... I understand that... but, oddly enough, I think I would feel better if he *were* mad at me..."
"Hm?" Nahida tilted her head.
"I feel... bad... It's strange, but being forgiven so easily makes me feel worse..."
"It wasn't easy for him. It has been... a lot of years of constant anger in his heart. I think he's tired of being angry all the time. Which is good."
"Does he... have anyone other than you?..." she asked. Ei really didn't know what she was allowed to ask. She felt like she wasn't allowed to be a parent and didn't know what to do.
Nahida giggled, "he's got me, and Miko has been around a lot. He's also made a friend within the unit he's working with right now."
Ei smiled, "that's good..."
"I'm glad he has someone he can talk to other than me, now. I just get busier and busier," she giggled.
Ei nodded, "yes... having friends is good..."
Nahida turned around the face Ei, "the fact that you're here at all proves that you really do care about him. I don't doubt you and Kuni is smart enough to know it, too. You need to give yourself some more credit."
Ei opened her mouth to respond, but someone else spoke first.
"Do you need help with anything?" Kunikuzushi asked from the doorway.
"Not right now," Nahida smiled.
"'Kay," he walked away.
Ei slowly closed her mouth, clenching her jaw.
"Don't let him scare you, he's a really sweet boy." Nahida turned back to the counter.
"I know..." Ei spoke quietly.
——————
"What are you moping about now?" Beidou asked.
"I feel like I'm going to throw up..." Kazuha was laying limp on the couch.
Beidou rolled her eyes, "he isn't going to hate you just because you kissed his hand."
Kazuha sighed heavily, "why did I do that... I should have just hugged him and let go... I went way too far..."
Beidou shrugged, "I think it's fine. Your other relationships went way faster than this-"
"But Kuni's never been in a relationship... I don't know what he wants and what he's okay with..." he shook his head, holding his cat closer. "I think I went over the line... I mean, the last time I touched him unexpectedly he responded violently... He probably hates being touched like that..." Kazuha closed his eyes tightly, "I probably reminded him of..."
"Of...?"
Kazuha shook his head, "he was sort of assaulted once... it isn't my story to tell..."
Beidou nodded, "yeah, I understand. But he didn't respond violently this time. So you probably didn't remind him of that. Dude, stop letting yourself feel bad and be logical. Like I said yesterday, he totally likes you back. Quit throwing yourself a pity party!"
"But... even if he does like me... I don't know how to... correctly communicate with him..."
"What???"
"I mean... I don't know what his love language is..." Kazuha blushed.
"You'll figure it out," she shrugged. "That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you figure out how you two are gonna keep your relationship away from the public."
"I..." Kazuha sighed again. With the choreography Heizou has us doing, there isn't much hope for us..."
Beidou snorted, "true. I guess you'll just have to deal with strangers drawing you two kissing."
Kazuha buried his eyes in his cat's fur, "don't say that..."
"It's true!" She laughed.
——————
"Kunikuzushi?..."
"Yeah?" He looked over to see Ei standing in the doorway.
"Uhm, dinner is ready..."
"Okay, I'll be there in a minute."
"Okay..." she went back to Nahida in defeat. He hadn't spoken dismissively, but he obviously didn't want to talk with her.
"Don't beat yourself up about it," Nahida pat her arm.
"I just feel like I don't know him anymore... Or, more correctly, I guess I never knew him..." she sighed, shaking her head, "I really am a horrible person..."
"Not everyone is cut out to be a parent," Nahida took her over to the table and made her sit down. "Kuni practically raised himself so you can tell a lot about him just by observing him. Don't overthink it, he's quite simple to understand if you just listen to what he has to say."
"Earlier," Ei got quieter, "you said he was avoiding his problems..."
Nahida giggled, "someone likes him and he doesn't know what to do about it. He said he doesn't feel the same, but I think he just hasn't realized that he's grown fond of them yet."
"Oh," Ei's eyes widened in surprise, "really?"
She nodded, "yes. I could be wrong, but Kuni has a hard time being in touch with his feelings because he spent so long pretending he didn't have them."
"Oh..." Ei grew sad.
"We're all victims of our situations," Nahida assured her, "the past is the past. All you can do is pave the way forward. Maybe you couldn't have been close to him then, but that doesn't mean you can't now."
Ei smiled, "thank you... I really appreciate it."
The front door opened and a loud sigh echoed down the hall.
"You're just in time for dinner," Nahida called.
Miko hurried over, "Great! I knew my timing would be perfect!" She seated herself beside Ei, "what are we having???"
Nahida opened the dish on the table excitedly, "macaroni and cheese!!!"
Kunikuzushi chuckled as he walked in, "why are you so excited about it?" He sat down beside Nahida and across the table from Miko.
"Because I haven't had macaroni in forever!" She stated as she started filling everyone's plates.
Ei thought Nahida was very cute. Then again, so did everyone else.
Miko giggled, her usual sly smile spreading across her lips. "So, have we decided what we're going to do about Kazuha?"
Kunikuzushi's eyes flicked over towards Ei for a split second. "Nothing."
"Nothing?! You're going to let him love you without saying anything???" Miko exclaimed.
You didn't let me finish, he frowned, "nothing *yet*."
"So... what?" Miko's brows pressed together.
Ei brought her hand to her chin to think. Where had she heard that name before?...
Kunikuzushi sighed quietly, pushing his food around his plate, "so, I'm going to wait and see how things go... If he brings it up we'll talk about it, and I'll bring it up if he tries to... you know, go farther than I want."
"And how far are you willing to go?" Miko smirked.
"Hey, I'm *eating*," Nahida frowned at her.
Kunikuzushi rolled his eyes, "that's not what I meant. If he keeps trying to act romantically towards me I'll... say something about it."
"And what will you say? It's important to have plans for these sorts of things," the pink haired woman narrowed her eyes.
Ei nodded, "I agree with Miko."
Kunikuzushi shook his head, "I haven't thought of it yet. I'll probably just say that we can't be together anyways, so he should give up."
"But that's so harsh!" Miko pressed her hand against her chest, "that'll break his heart!!"
"Exactly! That's why I don't want to talk about it!" Kunikuzushi groaned as he kneaded his forehead. "Why are people so complicated?!"
Ei felt like she should really say something. "I don't have an answer to that question... but being complicated isn't always a bad thing... You don't return his feelings for you?"
Kunikuzushi shook his head, "no."
Nobody knew if that answer meant that he didn't or that he did... And nobody wanted to ask him to clarify, either.
Nahida spoke up, "feelings are like big knots. Once you take the time to look at it for a while and untangle it you'll find it was the same string all along."
Kunikuzushi sighed, smiling just a little bit, "Nahida, that doesn't make any sense..."
She giggled, "sure it does. Like I said earlier, just think about it."
He groaned softly, "I'm tired of thinking..."
Ei smiled and offered what little she could, "just imagine kissing them. I've been told that's an easy way to tell if you like someone or not."
Kunikuzushi just looked at her for a long moment. Nahida and Miko we're both very tense, expecting Kunikuzushi to burst into rage.
But he didn't say anything. He didn't even look angry. He just looked at his mother. Simply looking at her.
Miko cleared her throat, "Ei, I wanted to speak with you about an upcoming Live. Let's hurry up, shall we?"
"Oh, of course," she nodded, completely oblivious to the tense air in the room.
Nahida watched Kunikuzushi carefully. He had leaned back in his chair and was now staring at his plate with folded arms.
"You don't have to eat if you aren't hungry," Nahida whispered.
Kunikuzushi shook his head, but didn't say anything.
The small woman sighed to herself, hoping they could all learn to get along...
——————
"Cleared your head?" Beidou asked.
Kazuha nodded with a sigh, "it's amazing how just showing can change everything."
She chuckled, "uh-huh. So, what's your game plan?"
"Uhm, about Kuni?"
"Of course about Kuni! What else?!"
"Ah- uhm..." he pressed his hands together nervously, "well... if he doesn't say anything about how I feel... I mean, I don't really want to do anything *more* than what I've already done. I feel like that would be too far. And I still have no idea how he feels about me..."
"Bro, he's been flirting with you *so much*! How are you still doubting him?!"
"I- if I don't hear him say it, it's not for sure! If I just assume he likes me I could loose him as a friend!"
"Psh! Nah!"
Kazuha sighed, sitting down heavily beside her, "just because he teases me doesn't mean he's trying to flirt..."
"But it could~" she elbowed him playfully.
"Come on, stop that," he pushed her.
"What if he's being shy??? And the only way for him to communicate his feelings is by teasing you???"
"Oh... I hadn't thought of that..." Kazuha trailed off, lost in thought.
"Exactly! Think about it! What if he's waiting for you to say something about your feelings?!"
"You think so?... But I've been so obvious..."
"I'm honestly surprised you haven't gone coocoo around him and spewed out something poetic and gushy to him yet!"
"Now you're just bullying me!" Kazuha pushed her again.
"Kidding! Kidding! But! I'm making a point, to! If you stop trying to filter yourself so much, confessing to him would be so easy! I dunno, ask him to be your muse or something! Artists do that, right?!"
Kazuha got three shades redder, "Beidou..."
"What?!"
"That's... it sounds so cringey... a-and I think he'd just laugh and think I'm messing around if I said anything like that..." Kazuha looked around.
Beidou sighed, "eh, you still have another day to think. How about we sleep on this one and think about something else?"
"Like what?..."
"Like how I'm about to propose to Ning," she smiled brightly.
"Huh?! Again?!"
"Ah, well, it's been a while..." Beidou blushed, "and now that Ning isn't an idol anymore there shouldn't be any problems..."
"But didn't she say no because of something else?" Kazuha asked.
Beidou sighed, "yeah... she said she wasn't ready for something so permanent like that. You know she's always been big about her career and stuff."
He nodded, "but you want to try again?"
"Totally!" She exclaimed, "I've never loved anyone else like I love Ning! I can't just let her get away from me!"
"But haven't you asked her to marry you several times already?..." he spoke quietly, not wanting to hurt her.
"Well, yeah- but that's not important. This time she'll say yes for sure! I've got it all planned out perfectly! I'm taking her out for a nice fancy dinner, and then we're going to go to all her favorite places in the city! Then! I'm taking her to that one park with the gazebo and the fairy lights! That's where I'm gonna ask her!"
Kazuha smiled, "that's surprisingly well thought-out for you."
"Hey! If I can come up with a plan, so can you! Get your brain working, boy!" She hugged his neck and ruffled his hair.
——————
Miko sighed, "Ei..."
"You wanted to talk about a live?" She asked.
Miko shook her head, "no, Ei, I don't..."
"But you said..."
"She wanted a reason for us to finish dinner quickly," Nahida said as she joined them out on the terrace.
The moon was bright and Miko had just popped open a bottle of champagne.
"Then what did you want to talk about?..." Ei asked curiously.
"I guess you really don't know, then..." Miko flicked her eyes at Nahida.
Nahida nodded, "I didn't tell her... I thought she wouldn't care... She hadn't contacted me yet..."
Ei blinked, "what? Did something happen?"
Miko poured three glasses, "your son was assaulted a few months ago."
Ei stared at Miko for a long time, her eyes wide. "And this... this isn't one of your tricks?..."
Nahida sighed, "no. It's not. It wasn't anything too serious, but it's still rather fresh in Kuni's mind. It was a friend of his and he forcibly kissed Kuni..."
Ei's eyes widened even more, "so, when I said-"
Miko sighed loudly, "yes, Ei, you probably did the opposite of what you meant."
"I- I didn't know! I only wanted to help! I-" She put her hand harshly on her forehead, "I'm so terrible! I have to go apologize!"
"Wait!" Nahida reached out to stop her from going back inside.
But Ei had already gotten through the door. Nahida sighed heavily, hoping she hadn't caused a disaster...
"Let them talk. They have to figure this out on their own." Miko held out a glass to her.
"I hate it when you're right."
Ei rushed through the halls and halted in front of the door she was pretty sure was Kunikuzushi's. She took a moment to catch her breath before she held out her hand to knock.
Then she hesitated. What if Kunikuzushi hated her because she said that?... What if he thought she hated him?!?! Ei didn't know which would be worse!!!
She knocked, telling herself to get it over with.
After a moment the door opened.
Kunikuzushi blinked, surprised to see her. "Uhm, yeah? Did you need something?"
She looked down at him and was filled with... something. She had never really had a maternal instinct. She'd never felt attached to Kunikuzushi in a strong way. But right now, looking at the person before her, she felt something strong welling within her.
Someone had tried to hurt him in one of the worst ways possible. And the worst part was that no one had even thought to tell her.
They thought she wouldn't care?! Some man tried to defile her child and they thought she wouldn't care?!
Ei opened her mouth, overcome by this sudden surge of emotions. "I may not have been your mother for most of your life, but I am now! And I know I've hurt you but I've just been told that someone else tried to hurt you, too! And I'm sorry that I reminded you of that and I want to apologize!"
Kunikuzushi blinked once again. "... huh?"
Ei pulled herself together, "Nahida and Miko said you were assaulted."
Kunikuzushi pinched the bridge of his nose, "that's such a harsh word..."
"Is... is that not what happened? They said-"
He waved his hand, "sure, he forced himself onto me, but he wasn't being violent. It's not that serious, so don't even worry about it."
"But..."
He waited for her to go on, leaning his side against the door.
Ei took a moment to collect her words. "I still want to apologize. You can't remember that fondly and so bringing up the idea of kissing was insensitive of me."
Kunikuzushi sighed, "but you didn't know. Seriously, stop worrying about it. You're forgiven, it's fine."
Ei stared at him. She felt like this wasn't enough. "How come... how come nobody told me?... I didn't see anything about it on the news either. Because you're so popular it should have been-"
"Miko kept things quiet for us," Kunikuzushi said quickly. "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He has it hard enough already."
"You... are you still friends with him?" She asked quietly.
Kunikuzushi sighed, "Nahida and Miko had me file a restraining order, but I swear he didn't mean to hurt me."
Ei stared down at him. "How... how can you still give him the benefit of the doubt?..."
Kunikuzushi sighed, "he was my only friend. I didn't want to loose what I had... and he wasn't trying to hurt me. I just overreacted and everyone freaked out." He closed his eyes tightly, "if I had just reacted normally everything would have been fine."
"So there's more to this story..."
Kunikuzushi sighed again, "I- look, I'd never been touched like that before so I freaked out. I screamed and that made Nahida and Miko come running, and at that point he had grabbed me because he thought he had hurt me and things just got worse from there." He was quick to rid himself of the story.
"And so Nahida and Miko thought he had broken in and attacked you?..."
"I guess?..." he heaved another sigh, "ugh, I already feel bad for getting a restraining order on him. I feel like he doesn't deserve that. He wasn't even-"
"Who is he?"
"Huh?"
"Who is he?" She repeated. "He used to be your friend, right? I must have seen him at some point."
Kunikuzushi paused, "why?..."
"Because I want to know why he would go so far. If he was your friend then wouldn't he care about how you felt?"
Kunikuzushi shook his head, "it's so much more complicated than that..."
"Then explain it to me. I have all the time in the world," she smiled.
Kunikuzushi stared up at her, "you..." Then he smiled, "what?!"
"Did I say something wrong?" She blinked.
"No," he chuckled, "I've just never seen you so... alive..."
She blinked again, "oh..."
"Well, okay... Gah, I know I shouldn't feel bad about getting a restraining order on him because he thought we were dating before I joined HARBINGERS, and then when he showed up he asked me to 'be his' and that's really creepy and weird, but..."
"But he was your friend... and you didn't want to loose that friendship..." she nodded. "That's why you don't want to confront Kazuha about his feelings, too, right?"
He nodded silently, his jaw tight.
"You're a lot more like me than I thought," Ei put her hand on his shoulder.
He looked up at her in confusion.
She smiled, "I just now remembered who Kazuha is. I think I've met him once before and I can see why you don't want to loose him as a friend. He seemed really sweet."
"Uhm, yeah, but that doesn't explain-"
"Oh, it's just too complicated to explain," she waved it off. "Just know that I want *you* to make the decision. Don't let Miko-or anyone-pressure you into anything."
He paused before saying, "okay..."
"I'm glad you found someone who cares about you," she said, placing her hand against his face.
Kunikuzushi flinched away from her touch. Then he abruptly grabbed her arm and pressed her hand harshly against his face, closing his eyes tightly.
Ei blinked, not sure what to say.
"Don't... don't do things like that without warning me first..." Kunikuzushi said, his eyes still closed.
Ei smiled, putting her other arm around him and holding him close m, "I'll keep that in mind."
YOU ARE READING
5WIRL + Wanderer COLLAB!!!
FanfictionTW! Smoking/depression/assault! 5WIRL's members Aether, Venti, Xiao, Kazuha, and Heizou have a fun little collaboration with new solo idol Wanderer! None of this will end horribly, right?! [started on November 8 2022]
