Death's Hunt

Chapter 18

“Where should I begin?” I rhetorically asked myself. “Guess I should start at the beginning.” I looked at Chiyoko before speaking again. “Considering how many times I have told you that I’m millions of years old, you’ve probably already figured out that I wasn’t human in my last life. I was born in Alberta, Canada 77 million years ago… and… I was born… as something… different. I was a Cryodrakon boreas or ‘frozen dragon’, an azhdarchid pterosaur… huge wing span, long neck, very long beak… the typical features of this specific family of flying giants.”
Chiyoko simply nodded at my explanation. I took in a deep breath and then continued my story.
“Normally, I would feed off creatures that were smaller than myself. However, sometimes I would also scavenge. I let other carnivorous species kill the prey, then I either waited for them to finish so I could eat the leftovers, or I just scared them off their kill if they were smaller than I.”
“But if you were only eating small things and stealing food, why did Sheri call you…” I raise my hand without looking up, interrupting her words. When she was quiet, I continued.
“Most of the time, I only targeted meals that I knew I could get without taking any real risks: lizards, snakes, mammals, crabs, even the odd turtle if I could fit it in my mouth. But after a while, those didn’t really whet my appetite anymore. I tried fish and amphibians, and it helped for a bit. But then one day, while I was stealing a carcass from a mob of Saurornitholestes, small feathered raptors, my beak accidentally stabbed one of them… Well not so much stabbed as flat out impaled it. While the rest of the group ran away, I tried scraping it off my beak. It didn’t take too long, and although there was already a carcass nearby, I ended up eating the dinosaur I had just killed. It took me a bit of time, but I eventually swallowed it whole. That’s when I discovered my love for fresh dinosaur meat, not a carcass that had been chewed on or left rotting for a while. And… well, from then on, I took every chance I could get to eat fresh dinosaur meat, but you see I was still a fragile animal. I couldn’t hunt larger creatures so instead I resorted to raiding nests and eating the young inside them. I’d wait for the right moment before simply picking them off the ground, throwing them in the air, then swallowing them whole. If they were too much of a fighter, I would just stab them over and over until they were dead. I was just another nest-raider. And since I could fly, most parents couldn’t even catch me. I realize now how shameless this was of me. I mean, at first when I did kill they were adults, but then… picking on young defenseless creatures… I’m pathetic.”
“But…” I looked up at Chiyoko. “But you said you wouldn’t kill anything that’s young…”
“And I don’t. But back then it was different.” I took another deep breath before continuing. “One day, I made a huge mistake. I went out and decided to raid a Gorgosaurus’ nest. I had done these many times before and they had gone off without a hitch. Granted, I had had some close calls in the past, but nothing too bad. I did the same thing I usually did. I waited for the parents to go out hunting, and that’s when I struck. I mean, everything was going well enough. I had a wide enough landing spot. I was able to walk over to them. I even managed to pick one of them up. But…” I paused and looked away.
“But what?” Chiyoko asked.
“I was too early.” I looked at my wings, remembering what had happened. I turned to Chiyoko, seeing her worried expression. I then spoke up again. “Just when I was about to eat the chick I had in my beak, its mother came rushing out of the forest at me. I was stupid enough to let my guard down, and by the time I saw her, she was already too close to me. I dropped the chick and attempted to fly away, but she grabbed one of my feet and pulled me back down. She didn’t even give me a chance. She thrashed me around before ripping my foot clean off. Once again, I tried to get away, but she pushed me to the ground and bit down on my wing, easily breaking the hollow bones inside and ripping apart the wing membrane. I pecked at her, managing to jab her in the eye, but then the father came back. I kept trying to get away, but every time I would somehow get back up, one of them would force me back down. The pain I felt was horrendous. The male completely snapped my other wing by stomping on it. When I tried to peck him, he grabbed my beak and managed to snap the tip right off. My only weapon was now gone. The male then threw me across the ground like a ragdoll. The violence of that attack broke more of my bones. After that, the mother grabbed on to my lower half and ripped out some of my intestines. I was barely alive, but I still saw her tearing me to pieces. The male then bit down on my neck and… I felt a pain of pulling and shear agony, and… then that was it. I mean, I was dead. But my soul refused to move on. I was forced to watch as those Gorgosauruses devoured my body. Even the hatchlings I had tried to eat started feasting on my carcass. When a death finally did come to take my soul, well… I became what you see now. I’m… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I mean, Sheri is right. I really am still just a killer, someone who will always take this route. Who am I kidding? Here I was thinking that I could actually change.”
I turned around and plunged my fist forward, hitting the wall. “Look at me!! I’m a monster!!! I tried to be good, I did! I tried to quit killing younger lives, but everywhere I turned…” By now, I was ripping and tearing through the stone in my rage. “WHAT AM I? WHAT AM I? I’m a monster!!! Even now as a death, everyone fears me!!!” Finally, I collapsed as hot, wet tears began to well up in my eyes. “How many living things have I killed? Billions… trillions…? I’ve even killed you,” I said desperately turning toward Chiyoko. “I can understand if you hate me. If you fear me, that’s all right. I deserve it. You know, every single time I see my reflection, I only ever see a killer.” As I silently cried, I felt a body press up against my own. Looking to my right, I saw Chiyoko snuggle up against me, with tears in her eyes.
“I don’t think you’re a monster,” she sobbed.
“Chiyoko, I killed millions… even more…”
“You once said a soul only becomes sentient when it becomes a death. You didn’t know any better. You were only doing it for survival. Unlike me… I knew better…” I wrapped my arms around Chiyoko and held her to my chest as we both cried.
“Sheri is wrong you know. You can change. I know you’re a nice person. If you weren’t, you would never have helped me. If you weren’t, you would never have helped Anga with this competition. You are someone who cares. You’re trying to better yourself, and that’s a good thing. We all have our problems, but we can face them together, right? That’s what I learned,” Chiyoko managed to say between tears.
We sat there for a bit longer before I finally managed to say, “Thank you.” I then stood up and carried Chiyoko back with me to the others.
“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to,” Chiyoko told me. “About your past, I mean.”
“No, they deserve to know. I’ve kept it from Vlagor and Anga for long enough. When we get back, I will tell them myself.”
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Kakrix.”
“And you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Chiyoko.”