Janet
I really didn't want Toni to come over. I haven't decided how to handle what she told me while drunk and it's obvious she doesn't remember. How am I supposed to bring up the fact that she had an abortion after being raped by her uncle? How is anyone supposed to bring that up?
Sitting on the couch, I was anxious while waiting for her. I was barely able to keep still. Luckily, Preston and Gil were gone on an afternoon date. They'd be gone for some hours. Giving me time to really talk to her.
A knock came to the door and I jumped up. Going to the door, I took a breath before opening it.
Immediately, Toni walked in. "Oh my god, babe. Wait until you hear this." She pecked my lips and sat down on the couch. I closed the door and stood next to the couch.
"Hear what?"
"So I was talking to my mom about what's going on with her and my dad. While she was leaving, I saw her go through her purse and saw a huge wad of money in an envelope. It got me thinking and when she left, I looked around the house and found a hidden envelope with information about a company called EVN Enterprises. This company has large amounts of money and to make things more interesting I found a binder in their office that belongs to my dad. He's been sending large amounts of money to an unknown account for the past twelve years. I'm just so confused." I stood and listened to her.
"Yeah. That seems like a lot." She stared at me.
"Okay, what's going on with you?"
"W-what do you mean?"
"Janet, don't play with me. I'm sitting here trying to get your help with something and you're standing there like a statue. You're acting like we've never been in the same room together and we definitely have."
"Toni.."
"No! You've been acting weird since that dinner." She threw her bag down and stood in front of me. "Every other morning when I am here, you kiss me awake. You hold me for just a few minutes. You tell me you love me. We get ready together. But that morning, I woke up alone and you kept your distance from me ever since then. What is going on?!"
"I just have a lot on my mind."
"Then talk to me. I'm here for you. You can trust me. What's wrong?" I looked into her begging eyes and it hurt me to see the pain and uncertainty on her face. It was just hard for me to bring this up because that obviously something that hurts her and who knows what I could be triggering by mentioning it. However, the fear of losing her because of this was far greater than the possible risks.
"Toni, come sit with me." I took her hand and we sat on the couch. "Now you know I love you and it's never my intention to hurt you."
"Janet, what are you saying?"
"I just....want you to know that I love you and that pulling away from you wasn't something that I wanted to do. I just needed some time to process."
"Process what?" I took a deep breath.
"On the night of Janelise's dinner, you were drunk and I brought you back here. At first you were giggly and goofy but then you started telling me things."
"What things?"
"You told me about some voices in your head that tells you to kill yourself and how one day you're going to do it." She looked down.
"Oh."
"Yeah. That didn't bother me as much as the other stuff but I think you need to talk about it. Maybe get some counseling because that isn't healthy."
"I know but it's hard with my dad. He's just so against therapy and wants me to just pray about things but it's difficult."
"I understand and if you don't feel comfortable going to therapy yet, I'm always here for you."
