stupid piece of paper : hyunsung ✓

thirty six

Hyunjin wasn't in the tent. "Should've known that..." Jisung mumbled to himself. He slumped into the corner on his side of the tent, pulling his legs to his chest. Hyunjin was avoiding him like the plague. 

This was the feeling that Hyunjin must've fought the whole time while he was writing those letters to him. Jisung stared into space. He knew he kept at least a few of those notes. Just because he didn't find them while he burned them the night after 'that' happened. He checked all pockets of his jacket and pants. And he was right. There they were. 

To my Darling, these things may not mean much to you but they matter to me. I won't lie, they matter a lot. It feels better getting it off my chest. Your amazing secret admirer. 

These things... These things must've meant their eye contact, his answers, or just the simple fact that he was reading them. Something he was fighting for so bitterly now from Hyunjin. His not-so-secret admirer. 

To my darling, we do know each other. I know you as the boy you are now, but I remember that gummy smile with a crooked tooth when you introduced yourself to me much earlier in our history. Your amazing secret admirer. PS: I wished you would smile that happily to me again.

Again, Hyunjin and Jisung used to be friends when they were little. They used to hang around each other's house and call the other's mom "mom" too. 

Jisung never actually heard Hyunjin call him Darling in real life. There was no opportunity for that, but you know. There must've been some sort of reason why he kept referring to him like that. Hyunjin was one cheesy man. 

Jisung's smile grew, going through the last two he still had. Gosh. Hyunjin sounds so in love. Like he was overflowing with it. And Hyunjin really thought he was being obvious with it. Like Jisung would've known that his heart couldn't take Jisung's words. That his hateful speech was nothing but an empty threat. Hyunjin had cared about him. And Jisung cared about him... to some extent. 

The tent opening was zipped up. And the Blond boy poked his head through. Jisung watched him get in, zip the tent close, and change his shirt to a tank top. Like he always does when he goes to sleep. Jisung blushed at the sight of his bare back, muscular back. Hyunjin was a dancer after all. 

Jisung opened his mouth. What am I going to say? He had to restrain himself from not jumping on his back. Jisung didn't even want to know where that urge came from. He closed his mouth again. 

Now what? He had to talk to him. This was a life-or-death situation. Kinda. 

"Hyunjin," he finally said.

 "That's my name." 

"Hyunjin..." Jisung spoke again. The only word that seemed to make sense right now. The latter hummed, annoyed. "I uh... thought about what you said." Jisung scooched till he was almost crossing the line. 

"I never used you or meant to make you feel like I did. To be honest I think I never thought of hurting you in-"

 "Jisung stop," Hyunjin interrupted sternly. "Don't say shit that you don't mean."

 "But I do." 

They weren't supposed to be arguing again. Hyunjin turned around. His eyebrows were knitted together, eyes cold. 

"Hyunjin I swear I'm being serious, I'm trying to apologize." Jisung's hope to find peace in this, the cheap glue keeping him together, shrunk with every silent second passing. He was back to falling into pieces, right at Hyunjin's feet.