(DISCONTINUED) Defying death - A villainesses redemption

Chapter 11 - Undeserving

TW: this episode contains internalized homophobia and intense talk of self-hatred. Skip this one if you are sensitive to these subjects.

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My conversation with the prince ended shortly after unveiling the painting.

And so I went to meet my parents, rushing through the hallways toward the ballroom.

My mother was beautiful as always. Clad in black and with her raven hair cascading down her back, she was practically the complete opposite of my father.

A sickly and meek-appearing blonde, who tended to prefer pastels.

As I approached them I was once again reminded how grateful I was to get a second chance at life, if only to show much I loved them in this one.

As if he could hear me approaching, my father's head snapped up, and he walked closer, his cane clicking on the ground.

"Antoine darling! There you are, we practically haven't seen you all evening!" He embraced me in a crushing hug. For a man who had spent most of his life bedridden, he sure knew how to squeeze the air out of me.

My mother smiled, embracing me as well. She smelled of ink, like usual. The sign of a matriarch who rarely took a break. "Oh darling, happy birthday! I can't believe you're almost an adult!"

I scrunched up my face as she planted several kisses on my forehead. "Aren't you... disappointed that I danced with lady Campbell earlier?"

My mother abruptly stopped, regarding me with a puzzled look. Glancing at my father, he looked equally befuddled. "Why would I be?"

"Because.... she is not a man." I forced the words out.

"Darling, why would we care about something as feeble as the gender of your dance partners? My father might've had an issue with it, but he's no longer with us, is he?" My mother looked me straight in the eyes, both hands on my shoulders.

"Do we strike you as the judgemental type?", My father asked.

I took a good long look at them. "Perhaps I am the judgemental one in this family."

"Perhaps.", my parents answered in unison.

"But anyway my little dove, we have something important to tell you." My father's smile grew larger.

I raised a brow before my mother set her hands on her stomach.

I put two and two together.

"You are getting a little sibling!" She exclaimed, excitedly.

This... had never happened in my previous life.
What had changed?

Was I somehow too much of a burden on my parents for them to want a second child in my first life?

Was this their way of showing that I was an unworthy heir?

By making a new one and hoping that this one was better than me?

I felt as if the room was shrinking around me.

Of course, my parents didn't feel that way.

My parents loved me.

But they shouldn't.

They would never abandon me.

But they could.

Because after all, you are just an unworthy child, who happened to luck out on fate.

You are nothing but a perverse, ungrateful whore, who won't even fulfill her one duty and be a good wife.

You are nothing.

"I- I have to- I have to go." I couldn't breathe.

My throat was closing up, and my vision was blurring.

I could vaguely hear my parents say something, but I just quickly walked away,

Why was this happening to me?

It had all been going so well.

I hated this. I hated being in this stuffy room, and I hated being in a crowd of people.

I pushed past people, rushing toward the garden.

Why. Why did I have to make a scene?

This was something my parents were excited about. That they were genuinely happy about.

And I ran out of the room, making an embarrassment out of myself.

As if you aren't already one.

Finally, I found a bush suitable to hide behind, and the tears that I had been holding up until then finally spilled, along with sobs that shook my entire body.

I'm a fucking disgusting trainwreck.

It was just too much.

But why? Why had the thing that set me over the edge been something that made my parents happy?

And why?

Why in gods name was I even alive?

I buried my face in my hands, curling up as tightly as possible.

"Oh! Sir Farraday, I found her!" My eyes snapped open.

I knew that voice.

Madeleine was hovering before me, a concerned expression on her face.

"I was going to ask if you were alright, but I feel like I know the answer." She reached out briefly, before retracting her hand.

Quinn soon came rushing around the corner.

"Your parents are-", but he stopped himself upon seeing the tears stream down my face.

What was even going on at this point?

I could barely catch up with my own thoughts, and now I had two people looking for me at once.

"Antoinette, is there something we can do for you to make you feel better? Anything at all?" Madeleine stared at me.

Stop looking at her like that. You disgusting pervert.

"Hold me. Please.", Was all I managed to sob out before two pairs of arms embraced me.

"Shhh... it's alright. Let it out.", Madeleine murmured, while Quinn rubbed soothing circles on my back.

You don't deserve this.

I couldn't stop crying.

You don't deserve anything.