Foreign Eyes (Temporarily Discontinued)

IX

My father died later that day and in an unfair trade, I had also lost my brother. Although I knew he was sly and childish but ultimately tenacious to have the crown upon his head. If only he knew how heavy that golden circlet was...maybe he wouldn't have poisoned our father. My brother was a bit of a coward but I must hand him some praise, he knew what he wanted. At first my husband Jaime had held my hand while it sank in that I lost my father...but it only took an hour for me to say goodbye. As cold as it sounds, death is absolute. I asked the tribe's elders to take him home along with my brother to prepaid for their funerals.

Unfortunately, my brother too chose death that day. His impatience cost him everything he had ever desired. I knew that if I advocated on his behalf I would be disgraced by the court of tribal leaders. To me, it was hard enough to take the crown and be the first Queen and stand alone leader of my country and people...but to also be torn between my husband's family and their needs as well as my people's. This gave me great anxiety, but what is one to do?

As I let go of my father's dying hand, the priests continued their sermons as if my father had been an inconvenience for them. Almost like he was a baby crying, interrupting their precious schedules. It was cruel and it told me where my enemies lied, the ones who had a powerful influence. I had to get dressed into armor directly after. I strapped on my chain mail and leather armor. Grabbing my weapons and carefully tying them in place. My naval troops are waiting for my command. They waited by the ports calmly knowing that I came in time.

Cersei gave the people some sort of speech in which she told the people I was there to bring them some semblance of a victory. I hoped I would but I had to stay focused in a time where all I felt was overwhelming pain. Jaime reached for my hand to hold it as a semblance of comfort but I just couldn't hold another man's hand today. Not when I know Jaime may never see me again or that I may never see him again. Although he wasn't leaving Kingslanding for a little bit. I knew the naval siege I was about to take apart on may very well be my last.

He looked hurt by me not being able to hold his hand but I didn't want to interrupt while his queen sister was speaking. I also didn't want to face the powerful serpent that Cersei was. As if she was unaware of how far a Greyjoy has come, and what their attack plans were.

After Cersei gave her speech I began my long walk down to the pier. It was some godforsaken parade that I wanted no part of. It felt as though I was an animal being led to slaughter.

Clear your mind Holdvilag.

You can do this.

You must do this.

You will win this war. You will return home. You will bear Jaime children. You will take your father's throne. You will be queen.

Sometimes, telling yourself you can and are is very different than actually doing it. It sounded easier than it actually was.

This would be my life forever or at least until Jaime or I die...but now I wasn't so sure. Joffery's hungry eyes ate me alive every time they touched my form. I couldn't say with certainty that he wouldn't hurt me or Jaime for the opportunity to have me as a wife.

I know, Joffrey was a man that needed a woman to control his violence because he took to his mom when it came to violence and cruelty. I feel bad for whomever his future wife would be.

Finally we reach the crude stone coastal port. My men and women stood there at attention. All of them removed their helmets and held them in front of them pressing them to his chest. A symbol of grief as these men and women served under my father, as members of the people they knew that today we all mourned the death of my father. As I stood in front of the thousands of naval officers I gulped, removing my helmet off of my head and holding it to my chest.

"Today," I begin my voice carrying farther than anyone who didn't know expected it to. Jaime's family stared at me shocked. "We lost the King of the Huns, He was murdered by none other than his own son." I informed them and the naval soldiers listened to me speak. "He is being taken home by his beloved friends and remaining family, and although I wanted nothing to do with becoming Queen unfortunately that title has fallen to me." They all exchange looks of relief. "However, my fellow soldiers today, Today we mourn and grieve as we set sail and besiege our adversaries!" I shout and they start chanting with me. "With this siege we secure our borders! We make the rest of the world tremble in fear! Today! We take our rightful place as the powerful nation I have always known our proud people to be!" I shout and they are cheering louder. The Lanisters and their guests watched as they realized that I was the leader their sons could never be. "Today! Today we fight! We fight for our forefathers who died in foreign lands! The Lands they never called home! Today! We fight for our families, our wives, our husband's, our children! Today! We fight for the future! We fight for our great grandchildren! Today! We change history! Now board your ships my brothers! My sisters! And we sail! We sail and we fight for our future!" I shouted and they all cheered and charged onto their ships. I too boarded with them they all out their helmets back on. We pushed our ships away from the docs, and we began our voyage into the world of darkness one more time.

Although, now I experience something I had never felt before. That aching longing in your chest that you get when you're far away from the people you love most.

However, I couldn't find which broken off piece of my heart I missed most.

Was it my father?

Was it my brother?

Was it my people?

Was it the people I tried to win over?

Was it Jaime?

Which piece do I choose to follow?

That answer would come with time.