The Swiss Suitcase (LSD, #1)

13. Sister Morphine

Sister Morphine

Dear Yogi has his last words prepared. He keeps it short: "Do you want to marry me, Katja?" He adds his stupid grin, showing he's serious.

"Rostov! This feminine fury is pointing a loaded gun between your eyes, and you ask her to marry you? Are you planning to end in the Guinness Book of Records as the shortest marriage ever?"

"She might miss me, Lux. I have to try before it's too late. Save the world or die in the attempt; do you remember? She might miss me."

Katja smiles: "Don't get illusions, Rostov. I will never miss you. Not from this distance."

Rostov doesn't want to give up yet: "It always goes like this: first she blows my brains out and then she starts loving me. There are lots of women who love brainless men."

Katja's smile grows wider: "I'm not one of those women."

Rostov's stupidly grins back: "I love the way you lie to me."

I try to stop Rostov: "You are already brainless, Rostov. Most of the time, pretty women are not what they seem. She's your nightmare, not your dream. She's Sister Morphine and you're trying to score. You're addicted to a dangerous woman. This shot will be your last."

Rostov doesn't want to understand: "Sister Morphine? There are lots of women who like to cure and nurse brainless men."

Katja fully enjoys the entertainment: "I'm not one of those women."

"Then marry me before you blow my brains out. I'm really smart. You should see what I do for rich clients who want to avoid paying taxes. I'm handsome too; you said it yourself: I look like Matt Damon. And I'm fun to be with. Did you see me on stage with my imitation of Aretha Franklin? Someone should give me an Oscar for that. I was spectacular."

I try to save my friend, and perhaps myself too: "He's right at one thing: he is fun to be with... if you like disaster films."

Katja turns back to serious again. She has to. She's working. She doesn't have time for entertainment like music or films. She says: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. Go ahead, make my day."

Nothing can stop Rostov now: "Your first line is from «Die Hard» (1988) with Bruce Willis as John McClane. The second line is from «Sudden Impact» (1983) where Dirty Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) had exactly the same gun as those which you are pointing at our heads right now."

Katja doesn't only know how to shoot people, she also knows a bit about films and a lot about guns: "Dirty Harry had a .44 Magnum. This is a .500. Can't you see the difference?"

"You like movies! I knew that we have a lot in common. So you do want to marry me? Great. We'll have a happy end with a kiss and a wedding, honey, but, if you don't mind, first we have to solve that little affair with my boss, Mister Nikolai, and that 100-million-francs-worth suitcase, so if you want to be so kind and take that gun out of my eye..."

Katja doesn't want to wait for the happy end: "This time Gary Cooper doesn't walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly, dear. You're in the wrong film. This is not that film where the bad guys talk themselves out of the situation. This is the film where the good girl wins, or at least the good-looking girl. Goodbye..."

I'm not impressed by the Smith & Wesson Magnum between my eyes. I smile and say my last words to Katja: "Look down..."

She takes her eyes off of Rostov and glances at me with a quizzical expression: "Why?"

"Because I have a loaded Makarov in my hand and it points at your knee. I have it looking your way since you were picking that lock. A bullet in your knee gives a whole lot more to think about than a bullet in my head. Perhaps I should explain why: when you pull that trigger, I'm not dead yet.