The Swedish Sex Bomb (LSD, #7)

8. Well...

Well...

When I come back from the lavatory, with my pink dress in my hand, in my role as Benny the Brave, I get a dreadful feeling: "Frieda? Are you well?"

Frieda nods, but she doesn't convince me. She looks... fragile, vulnerable, and insecure. She's been sick again, I can smell it, but she has hidden the proof in a silly attempt to avoid my concern about her.

"«Well» as in «all right»? And I'm being foolish? It seems to me something bothers you."

"It's okay. I'm okay."

"I'm worried about you. You're not well. There's too much of a storm in your head. I want you to get it out of there. You can't handle this alone. You can't hide in your thoughts and hope they will go away. You need someone to help you, someone to talk to."

It's better for everyone to bring her back to the clinic. She's made a big step forward, it's true, but I keep forgetting she's a patient who suffered a major trauma. I need her for this mission, I want her to be around because she's great company and a great partner, but enough is enough. She needs her doctor and her time to recover, and I should behave like a big boy too and do this work by myself, like I've always done.

Frieda looks out of the window, produces a weak smile, and whispers: "Camilla said I was beautiful."

"And she also said I'm ugly. People say all sorts of things, mostly because they want something from others for their own benefit. There's a monster, living under your bed, and it's whispering in your ear. There's an angel, flying over your head, and she tells you there's nothing to fear. And there's you, and you wonder: which of those two is sincere? But it only works if you're honest with yourself. Admit: you are what you are, with your qualities and your minor points, and you're working hard to become a better person. If you're a realist, like me, you don't have to be afraid of anything."

Frieda looks me in the eye: "I'm not afraid. You don't have to worry about me either; I'm better than I've been in a long time and I'm working hard to puzzle out the rest. There's nothing to worry about... Well... There's something... I should warn you..."

Now, I'm getting worried, too. She looks almost desperate. But I should not show my fears. I control my breathing, deep in, deep out, deep in, look for my inner peace, put on my experienced confident smile, and take away her doubts: "There's nothing to worry about, dear. I'm a big boy and I can take care of myself."

"You don't understand..."

"Well? Explain it to me, in simple words and short sentences."

"It's a long story."

"I love long stories. The Lord of the Rings is among my favourites and it's a trilogy. Seven-volume series like «Harry Potter» are even better. And until this train reaches our destination, we don't have anything urgent to do. Start with the prologue. I'll get us coffee and cake after each chapter."

I get a watery smile for an answer: "I live — well, before I went to the clinic — I lived at my parents' house."

"And you finished high school and studied at Stockholm University. But you never graduated, thanks to a temporary interruption that, I hope, will be over soon."

"I studied management. My father is the CEO of a major company. I hoped he'd like it if his daughter followed in his footsteps. But before I tell you about my family, I'll tell you something about modern management, something I studied. Do you know what the task of a modern leader, is?"

"Organization, efficiency.", I answer.

"The organization is in the hands of the lower managers, the sergeants and the lieutenants. Efficiency is in the hands of specialists who studied marketing or technology, the SEALS or the marines. The task of the general, if we stay with the army metaphor, is motivation and inspiration. Nelson Mandela was a great leader because he inspired millions of people, even far outside of his country. Is it short and simple so far?"