Holding the Man

three

"english class"

The following day at school, I had difficulty even lifting my eyes off the floor. I couldn't look him in the eye because just thinking about him made my heart throb.  I don't have many friends to begin with, so I wasn't surprised to see that no one seemed concerned about my dramatic shift in behaviour.
As I was putting my stuff in my locker, I felt footsteps behind me, and I immediately recognised him. While I could hardly move a muscle, a single sweat drops down my face.
He called out, "Hey, Akain."
I sighed and replied, "Oh, uh- h-hey Jerryl." I cringed at myself.
"Everything all right? You're usually quite loud & energetic." He responded, clearly concerned.
"Oh, I'm alright, I just didn't sleep well the night before." I laugh, feigning laughter.
"Whatever you say, buddy." He shuts me down, walking away.

God I'm such a loser.

I turn back to see him pass by to his period 1 class, I forgot to even ask him what he had.
For fuck's sake, this was so unlike me. He definitely knows something is up.
I gather my books and laptop as I glance at my schedule before heading to my first lesson, English.
I absolutely despise English because it's such a difficult subject, but I've always excelled in all other subjects. But Jerryl is good at English; it's something I've always admired about him, he's genuinely the best thing that's ever happened to me.

The bell rings as I'm stepping away from my locker.
"Oh my fucking God, dammit!" I scream, inside my head.
I start sprinting solely instinctively to my first period class, as I spot Jerryl in the Science room. I took a brief minute to pause and take in his beauty. I grew to appreciate him more just because of the way he presented himself, the effort he put forth each day at school, and the fact that he was just being, well, him.
"Fuck what am I thinking!?" I question, slapping myself hard.
A teacher pops her head out from the classroom diagonal to Jerryl's, it was my English teacher, Miss fucking Brown.
"What's the matter here?" She preaches.
"Oh- I- uh-" I mutter out.
"AKAIN!" She cuts me off. "Get your ass in class right now before I contact your parents, young man. This is the 3rd time this week!" She yells.
"Erm.... Sorry Mr!" "I mean Miss!"
"For fucks sake Akain, I'm tired of your shit. Lunch time detention for you!" She lectures loudly to the point the whole school can hear.
I sigh and awkwardly drag myself inside the classroom, I'm such an embarrassment.

The whole period I couldn't even focus, all I could think about was him. Every passing minute, I fantasised the day he would finally ask me out (as if that'd ever happen).
Unintentionally, I had scribbled doodles of him all over my textbook and this annoying ass girl in my class had noticed it.
"That's the ugliest fucking drawing I've ever seen." She points out.
"Oh my God! Shut up!" I quarrel.
"Calm your ass, the fuck." She bickers back, rolling her eyes.
"Ugh, whatever, fuck you Sally." I mutter under my breath.
She glances at the drawing for a moment and then she grabs my textbook from my desk, yanking it out of my hands.
"Put that down!" I scream, but not loud enough for anyone to care.
"Bro, is this Jerryl from the fucking volleyball team?" She responds, trying to hold back her laughter.
I feel my cheeks grow red, unable to respond, as I duck down, looking at the ground and trying to think of a response.
"Uhm- no-"
"It's okay, I knew you were zesty anyway" She cuts me off.
"What?" I ponder to myself. "Was is that obvious...?"

The bell rings and I quickly rush out,
I couldn't bare a moment in that place any longer.

"Finally, recess." I sigh in relief.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and I look behind to discover, it's Fae.
"Aye, we're hosting volleyball games at recess and lunch, wanna come?" She politely invites.
"Erm.. 🤓"
"Jerryl's gonna be there." She rolls her eyes.
"I'll be there." I quickly reply.
She turns away swiftly, sending around invitiations to other people.
I smile to myself, giggling with joy. He's gonna look so fine.