AN OBSESSION "Wednesday x Xavier"

Bonding of two souls

Wednesday's window was freezing cold against Xavier's bare hands, sending a shock throughout his arm as he knocked twice. In a way, he liked the cold. It made him feel less warm all over, bringing his heart rate back down to speed.

"Come in." She sounded far away.

Xavier pushed hard, making the circular window swivel and ducking his head under to gain entry. Wednesday's room looked exactly the way it had when he was last here, asking Thing where she was. He appreciated everything about her side, and loved how much it contrasted to Enid's. He assumed that Enid was at Ajax's, that Wednesday had informed her roommate to leave for designated writing time. Or maybe she'd told her the truth, that Xavier would be coming here. Doubtful.

He imagined Wednesday on her first day, unpacking and putting everything in its rightful place, so organized like she always was. He wondered if she'd needed help with her typewriter. It looked heavy, and her hands were so small.

Wednesday was sitting on her bed, still in her school uniform. Xavier had changed into a long black coat with a fleece underneath. He felt overdressed.

"Hi." Her voice was flat.

"Hey." Xavier felt like he could barely speak. Wednesday's eyes were like strings on a puppet, holding him up, controlling where he went and how he felt. He was practically immobilized by her stare.

"You're so far away." Wednesday said pointedly. Xavier had said that to her, in their dream.

He nodded, maintaining the bob of his head as he slowly walked toward her. He sank to his knees in front of her, letting her be the taller one, the person who got to look down. Just like their dream, except his hands were now in the pockets of his jacket.

Wednesday sighed. "What are you doing?"

"I don't want to scare you."

"It's not you I'm afraid of."

Xavier blinked, his confusion clear. He took up so much room on her floor. "Your jacket is miles long," Wednesday added.

"It's not."

"Take it off." She wanted to see more of him.

"No. Tell me what you're afraid of."

"Take it off and I'll consider it."

Xavier said nothing as he slipped his coat off and threw it on the floor beside him. "What are you afraid of?"

Wednesday took a mental image of him, on his knees in her room in dark jeans and a white fleece and sneakers that were ripping at the soles. For now, she was bigger than him. For always, she was in control.

Afraid. What an awful word when she wasn't the one bestowing such an emotion onto someone else, when she had to be the person feeling it, and she was. She was afraid of many things - of a person dying before her, of being taken advantage of, of trusting someone who made others lose trust in her, of being touched just to conjure a violent vision. To admit that to Xavier, to be so vulnerable before anyone, it felt like losing. What does it feel like? Tyler had said. To lose?

"What are you afraid of?" Xavier repeated. He reached out timidly, like he was grabbing an expensive glass he was afraid to break, wrapping his hand around her ankle. His fingers brushed the hem of her long skirt. Wednesday could feel the warmth of his touch, even through her socks.

Wednesday blinked once. Feeling his hands in any way, anywhere, lowered her inhibitions to a concerning degree. "I am afraid of being reduced to a pawn in someone else's game." She attempted to say this plainly, slightly swinging her ankle so that he gripped harder.