The Missing Years - Redacted Scenes

Celebrate

A/N: Christmas and New Year's Eve festivities. My apologies for the delay in publishing this. Between injuring my arm and being extremely busy at work, real life has been eating into my writing time. I'll do my best to keep these coming from now on - Jo xx

Elle

The week after our trip, I schedule an appointment with Nathan. I've still been going to see him on and off, but haven't actually been since Noah and I got back together. We talk about that, of course, and how things have been going really well. Then I tell him about my freak out, and how Noah responded.

"Sounds to me like he had a pretty clear understanding of what was happening, Elle, and the reasons behind it." Nathan looks at me kindly.

"But that's just it. He understood fine. I'm just worried that I don't understand what triggered it in the first place. I don't want to go around having panic attacks every time I'm happy."

"Elle, I don't think you truly had a panic attack. I think you experienced some anxiety, yes, definitely. But you just touched on the trigger in a way there. You were happy. Not just happy, you said earlier that everything was perfect."

"Yeah, well, I thought it was."

"Elle, life isn't perfect. There are definitely perfect moments, sure. And right now, where you and Noah are, in this first flush of love, even if it is a rekindled love, there's going to be a lot of those moments. And you should definitely enjoy them."

"Okay..."

"But you should also know that there will be a lot of imperfect moments. Times when one or both of you get it wrong. When you don't react the way the other person wants. When you're distracted, tired, whatever. It's in those moments where you're going to have to trust, to take a leap of faith."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me this. Do you believe, really truly believe, that Noah loves you?"

"Yes," I blush.

"And do you truly love him?"

"Yes, of course."

Nathan smiles at me. "Well then. You have to trust that your love for each other is there, even in the imperfect moments. Underlying everything. That it is the same regardless of whether you are strolling down the beach hand in hand or whether he's running late for something important or you've started an argument about something inconsequential. The love remains the same. It's still there. The only thing that changes is you. And how much you trust in it. How you react."

I'm sitting looking at Nathan, blinking. Unable to speak as I try to process what he just said.

"Elle, you know that you have a fear of abandonment. We've talked a lot about that before. You know where it stems from. But the fact is, you need to learn to regulate your responses to both good and bad things in your life. There will be high highs and low lows in your life. And in your relationship. But neither of those extremes means that the relationship will end, or that something terrible is just around the corner. Enjoy the highs. Weather the lows. And know that the middle is good too. The middle ground is where life happens Elle, real life."

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Lee and Rachel's engagement party is so cute, I want to scream. All the Flynns are there of course, and my family as well. Rachel's family are hosting and I get to meet her brother finally. Dan is a couple of years older than us, about Lee's height with dark hair and hazel eyes. He's a music teacher and lives in Chicago. It's nice seeing how close he and Rachel are, and how well he gets along with Lee. I feel very happy for my bestie right now.