Just Why Not? [Mew/Gulf]

Chapter 18

Mew POV

I know I might get into trouble because of this, but I just tried laying down beside Gulf and observed his beautiful sleepy face. He suddenly sensed my presence and woke up. I wanted to quickly scurry away, but my body did not allow me as I was just mesmerized by his face.

"Mew ..." He said in a sleepy voice

I suddenly realized I should be sleeping on the couch and said "I'll take the couch" but before I can end my sentence he said

"Mew I'm hungry"

"Oh yes, I'll see if I can gather some ingredients, wait here"

"No Mew, I packed dinner"

" What?"

"I figured we wouldn't find any food up here so I just packed some sandwiches"

Usually, when I go camping, I mostly carry protein bars and instant noodles, as I can go on these camping sprees for months. It's the best idea. But it was so sweet of Gulf to do that.

We stepped outside the cabin, it was pretty dark outside, and we could hardly see the view. I gathered some firewood and I burnt it making a campfire. We huddled around and Gulf wore his hoodie, I swear to god he looks so cute, I unconsciously smiled when he caught me staring at him.

"What?" He asked with a smile.

I didn't want to lose my face, so with the same smile I asked "Are you having fun?"

"This is kinda nice," he said and handed over some sandwiches, he looked up to see the stars and the sparkle in his eyes was priceless.

Gulf right now is so different from when I first met him, he is no longer confused, he is calm and poised instead of always being in a rush, he looks smarter because he knows exactly what he wants and he is also happy, it just brings an uneasy feeling within me that I can't do anything more to change him because he is perfect the way he is.

Yes he is stuck in that horrid 9-hour job, but he has come to his senses on that as well, he said he was gonna leave. I know I will be a horrible person to remind him of his work at this moment when he is enjoying it, but what can I do? This is why I was interested in him in the first place, I wanna talk to him and change his life. Even though currently he is doing okay, it doesn't give me a purpose to stay with him. So I asked

"What's on your mind?"

He blinked and repeated in a different tone "what's on my mind?"

"I don't know you tell me it seems like you've got so much running in your head" that was utterly a lie, he looked like he was enjoying the moment so much that he had forgotten everything else.

"Is it?" He asked

"Hmm" I scooted closer to him, and took his hand, he did not blush, did not pull away, and did not even look at me. Like my touch doesn't affect him at all, like he is treating my touch like just a 'best friend touch'. That fucking irritated me, why can't I bring any reaction out of him, I unconsciously grind my teeth. And add more fuel to the fire "is it work? You still haven't told me what happened at work"

"Hmm yeah, maybe you're right, I'm so sorry Mew, I came here to have a nice time but, I guess you can see right through me, I think in the back of my mind I'm still pressured about work"

Jesus Christ what have I done, thank God I am not in the corporate business, I'm like a master manipulator. Yet still, the evil within me wants to take full advantage of this opportunity. So I scooted even closer and put my arm around his shoulder and, right now I was so close to him even though the air did not have space to exist between us.

"You wanna talk about it" I can't believe it, but I did use my seductive voice, yet it did not make any difference, I couldn't bring any reaction out of Gulf. Wasn't he the one who threw himself at me the first time, now what's wrong? Why is he playing so hard to get?

"I don't know Mew, you know before I met you I was in this grey area. I did not know what I was doing and kind of did not know the purpose of my life. To be honest, I still don't know what I am meant to do, but since I met you my life has changed. I've started seeing life differently, I've got the taste of travel and living in the moment that now I cannot go back to spending 9 hours on the desk staring at a laptop screen. Since I've got promoted to lead I cannot deny the job has gotten much easier, I get to talk to more people and do more meaningful things. But still, I had already decided that I was going to quit in a few years. "

"So you are still planning to Quit?"

"Oh yes, I sure wanna, but..."

"See, I knew there was a but, someone so career-oriented like you, someone so dedicated and skilled like you will always stick to the job"

"Well, I am not the old me anymore, you need to remember that, yes dedicated, skilled, experienced, career-oriented... All that is fine, the part of me that still pulls me back to that job is just one thing. The hard work and the efforts I have taken to come to this position all of that will just go in vain"

" But that's not all, is it? "

" Hmmm.. yeah, I still could have gotten over the regret of quitting at the peak of my career, but since my manager told me about my acting manager position, I'm reconsidering everything. I thought I was at the peak of my career, but this is an opportunity to get higher than that"

" What are you gonna do?"

" Well, this acting manager position is for 3 months, I'm gonna be super busy, I'm gonna take the chair from Monday onwards. So right now, I just wanna enjoy the stars"

Yeah, blah blah blah he said some sob story about his mid-life crisis. But what about me, I'm so fucking close to him, so close that I am pretty sure he can feel my breath on his neck, but still why isn't he reacting. Does he even understand what I've gone through to be right here at this moment? Does even know a little about my feelings.

I know I'm not the one with great intentions, I'm messed up and I want to take him. But I also know that I am confused because I care about this stupid man, I wanna make out and have sex with him more than once, which I have never wanted with anyone else. But right now I'm so deep into this friend zone he might never get any closer than I am right now.

Fuck he won't even look into my eyes.