Melting Ice

Chapter 3

⚠️TW: Intrusive thoughts, self hatred, self harm⚠️

Once Ice bear had finally managed to force himself off of the ground and began to walk home, he took note of how dark the sky had gotten. He tried to walk faster, but he only ended up clumsily tripping over his own feet. He noticed the "small" feeling had followed him, no matter how hard he tried he couldnt stop the childish thoughts from entering his head.
Still, they were preferred over the other thoughts. He stumbled his way to the cave, opening the door to see Grizz and Panda nervously waiting on the couch.

"There you are!" Panda exclaimed with relief.

"Where were you, bro?" Grizz asked.

Ice bear opened his mouth to talk but, to his horror, found that he couldn't seem to find his voice. Instead, he grunted softly. His brothers stared in confusion until Grizz finally spoke up.

"Are...You okay? It's just, you're never home anymore and we just wanna know whats up." Grizz explained, his face softening into a worried frown.

Ice bear rubbed his arm nervously. He didn't like the direction this conversation was going in.

"Can't you just say something? Anything?" Panda said, sounding exasperated with Ice bear.

Ice bears face hardened, he needed to snap out of it.

He cleared his throat, "Ice bear is okay. Will make dinner."

He cringed, he didn't mean for his voice to come out so soft. He swiftly escaped to the kitchen before he could embarrass himself farther. Once he was out of view from his brothers he slumped against the wall. He felt awful after pulling himself away from the wonderful feeling so fast.

He tried to let it go, but as he cooked he found his brain returning to the small feeling again. He stared longingly out the window into the direction of the playground, day dreaming about going back. He started to smell something similar to the smell of burnt food. His eyes widened when he looked down at his pan to see the dish had completely burned.

Shock was soon replaced with anger. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he looked at the burnt food with distain, although he didn't dare let the tears fall. He blinked away his tears, and clenched his fists tightly. What was he supposed to do? That was the last bit of food they had and what had he done? He'd burnt it. He was useless, he couldn't even cook a simple meal because he was too wrapped up in his own childish feelings.

He heard the sound of his brothers approching from behind.

"Whats with that smell?" Panda said worridly, entering with his paw over his nose.

"Yeah, did...did you burn food?" Grizz asked incredulously, not realizing that the comment might hurt Ice bear who was already in a fragile state of mind.

Ice bear huffed at the comment. He stormed off away from his brothers and slammed the fridge door which caused Grizz and Panda to give each other the same worried look.

"Whats wrong with him? He never burns food.." Panda said to Grizz.

"I don't know, Pan." Grizz sighed, "I think he just needs space right now."

Ice bear tried not to listen to his brothers talk, he didn't wanna hear any words. He wanted the world to just go quiet. He covered his ears, hearing his shallow breath in place of all the different sounds. His paws pressed against his ears even harder until his arms shook under the pressure.

He shut his eyes tightly, pushing his back up against the fridge and hitting the side of his head to make his mind go quiet. He hated loud he hated it so much. He should've never went to that park, he was Ice bear for gods sake, he should be able to handle life without turning into a child. The battle in Ice bears mind continued, going over all his mistakes over and over again like a broken record.

Ice bear began to explore possible ways he could use as an outlet for his awful feelings. He immediately shut down the first thought that came into his head. He couldn't return to the little state of mind he'd been in at the park, he refused to accept it. Instead, his mind wandered into darker territory.

Just 1 cut, his mind teased.

2

3

4

Ice bear gasped as he opened his eyes. When had he fallen asleep? He listened for any sounds that signaled his brothers being awake before glancing at his clock that read, 4am. Ice bear sighed. With his luck, he'd never get back to sleep.

Oh well.

Ice bear stepped out of the fridge with caution, looking over the dimly lit kitchen. He creeped down each room until he reached the door he'd been looking for. He pushed the door open, cringing at the squeak it made, before quickly entering and grabbing what he needed from Panda's room. He closed the door with a sigh of relief before going to set up camp in the living room.

He set the laptop on the coffee table and opened it, squinting at the brightness it gave off. He glanced at the closet door longingly one last time before tearing his eyes away, he'd take care of that later. He opened Googs to type in the question that'd been on his mind.

What does it mean to act like a child?

⚠️THE REST OF THIS HAS A VERY HEAVY SELF HARM TRIGGER⚠️

Ice bear learned a new phrase that night. Age regression. He wasn't exactly sure of what it meant, he just knew that he would never do it again. He'd rather cut than turn into a cub again every once in a while. He shut the laptop hastily and made his way to the closet which held one of his darkest secrets. He took a quick look at his scars, his heart skipping a beat when he saw them already fading.

Ice bear can do better than that.

His mind raced and his vision blurred as he reached for something he didn't think he'd ever use. He closed the
closet door and sat in the dark as he gripped the knife in his shaking paws. He took a deep breath, his face hardening. He tested the grounds, lightly scraping the knife along his fur covered skin.

He shivered. Might as well get it over with. He pressed down, gasping softly as he pulled the knife away in shock. He was greatful it was too dark to see the wound. He closed his eyes and leaned his back against the closet wall and took ragged breaths as he took time to feel the warmth of blood running down his arm. The pain itself was warm as well, in its own sick little way. It was familiar, a comforting warmth. Although, that doesnt mean it was a good warmth.

At times, it was smothering.
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A/N: psst, for ppl who dont know wtf "Googs" is its the we bare bears version of google. just wanted to make that clear.
anyways, im trying to lengthen the chapters so it might take a little more time to write these. also im soso sorry if the last part triggered anyone:((!!