Author's note:
TW: Ableist comments, self-loathing, mention of child abuse, gosh this makes this chapter sound absolutely awful its really not
Enjoy xx
Tony Stark is autistic, but nobody knows.
Which was fine, of course, until the Avengers moved in.
There were strangers and spies in his house, watching his every movement with their beady, analytical eyes. It wouldn't be long until one of them figured it out and his entire world would come crashing down.
He could imagine their reactions
"Autism? You're a liability!"
"How do we know we can count on you?"
"Freak"
"Liar"
"Re-"
"Tony! Tony?"
Fuck. Tony's head jolted up, fingers absent-mindedly tapping the glass table in front of him.
He'd zoned out. Again.
Great going, Tony.
"Hmm? Yeah, what?" He asked, only partially there.
"This is a debrief. You're meant to be listening. This is important!" Steve reprimanded him and Tony flinched at his harsh tone. It reminded him so much of the man who didn't deserve to be his father.
"Listen to me, Tony!"
"Look at me. Look at me when I talk to you."
"Put that down, Tony!"
"Quit squirming and listen up."
A pain shot through his face just thinking about Howard. The remnants of a slap that would never go away.
"TONY" Steve was yelling now and Tony looked up again.
He had to dismiss this. Brush it off. Ignore it or they'll realise you don't know what you're doing.
"Yes, dear?" He responded, earing a chuckle from Bruce and a glare from Fury.
"Can you connect Jarvis up with our earpieces? He can relay strategies and important information."
Finally, something he was interested in.
"Might have to do a little tinkering. I'll need to redesign them to handle a file size as large as Jarvis' communication software, but I could try the same tech as in my suit. I'll downsize it, make the battery bigger to handle the load, do some testing." He paused briefly, reading their silence as an invitation to continue.
He was leaning at the edge of his seat, hands rhythmically tapping the table and his foot beating the ground to the tune of some AC/DC song.
After a few minutes more of rambling about the logistics of it all, Tony realised he was standing, pacing around the room with his hands waving around while he relayed his unfiltered thoughts.
"Talk about speaking with your hands," Clint muttered.
The team chuckled and Tony stopped pacing, hands dropping to his side.
Steve sighed. "Tony, can you do it or not?"
"Uh, yeah," he replied, awkwardly moving back to his seat and resting his chin on his hands.
Stupid stupid stupid. He'd let himself speak for nearly ten minutes. Ten minutes in which the team had been subject to a complete mockery of their intelligence.
Steve continued on about formation, strategy, communication, blah blah blah. Tony found his mind wandering back to his plans for the earpieces, blueprints appearing in his head as he visualised exactly how he might fit enough storage into the small pieces of technology.
What Tony hadn't realised, however, was that he was staring directly at Bruce who was across the table. His team member tilted his head with a confused look, waving his hands around to communicate "what the hell are you looking at?". Tony ignored it and moved his line of sight to the wall behind the Avenger.
"Would you stop that?" A voice pierced Tony's bubble, sharp and clearly frustrated.
He looked around and saw everyone at the table staring at them, realising he'd done something wrong.
"Stop what?" he asked innocently, genuinely confused.
Natasha, who was seated next to him, gently brushed a hand over his leg and broke it from its bouncing trance.
"Shoot, sorry," he apologised.
"Anyways, this new formation will... ahem... this new... Tony."
His leg was bouncing again, hitting the underside of the meeting table and rattling the glasses of water that sat atop it. Tony scrunched up his hands, trying to make it stop. He succeeded, earning an exasperated sigh from Steve before the star-spangled man with a plan continued. His nails pressed into his palms making him painfully aware he was in a meeting not alone in his room. If this was what he needed to keep himself grounded, he would push through.
Nat leant over to him, whispering, "You good?"
"Yeah," he responded. "Bored outa my mind and kinda tired, but fine."
The spy sighed. "Look, I know we all have ways of coping with what happened in New York two weeks ago, but try not to be disruptive, ok?"
New York? Coping? This had nothing to do with New York... although as long as Nat didn't figure out he was stimming he'd take whatever excuse he could get.
"Yeah. Agreed." - he didn't agree - "New York. That's it." - that wasn't it - "Sorry," he said - he was in fact genuinely sorry.
He suffered through the rest of the debrief with some concerned looks from Fury as he tapped his foot and hummed. The team exchanged glances and rolled their eyes.
"Classic Tony," Clint muttered, a remark met with a glare from Bruce.
The scientist whispered something to him about "... handling things... wormhole... New York... give him a break...".
Tony stared daggers at the table.
The meeting drew to a close after what seemed like days but was likely only a few hours (two hours and 43 minutes, according to JARVIS. Tony hadn't asked). As the team began to file out of the room, Tony stayed seated still thinking about his blueprints. Steve lagged behind and waved his hands at the billionaire.
"Stark. We're leaving."
Silence.
"Stark."
He was presented with a dismissive grunt.
THUNK.
Tony flinched and he jumped, head snapping up. His hands rose to his ears but he stopped them midway towards their destination. They hovered in thin air, frozen, as Tony tried to think up an excuse. He eventually looked at his hands, murmured, "oh," and chuckled placing them down by his side.
Tony stood up and shuffled past Steve (who was simply staring at him with a mixture of annoyance and... was that concern? No, knowing Steve it was probably also annoyance) into the foyer. The team was stepping into a SHEILD van back to the tower but Tony decided against following after what had happened during the meeting.
He instead called Mark IV and took a running leap off a bridge nearby, caught by the comforting metal folding around him. He flew up and away in the direction of the tower, hoping he'd get back before the others so he could have some time to himself.
YOU ARE READING
Beating myself up so you wont find out
Fanfiction!! This fic has been moved to and completed in AO3 under the same title !! Tony stark is autistic. Which was fine... until the Avengers moved in. There are spies in his house. Trained in extracting secrets. There are people he cares about counting o...
