House of Baloo

17.

"Jump to that other ledge!"

"Can't help but notice you're not coming back, which is disappointing."

"Hide!"

"..."

"Neurotoxins too good for him. First, he'll spend a year in The Hell Zone. Year two: The Depths total darkness. Then 10 years in the room I built where all the angels scream at you. Then I'll kill him."

"Ahhh!"

"Another room, and a screen, and a conveyor, and a spike plate."

"Ah! There you are!"

"Where?"

"On the scre-"

"Oh wait hold up."

BZZZRDDDDDDCSTZZZZZZ

"Fixed. Anyways, I wanted to talk to you for a moment, uhm if I may."

"The deathtraps have been a bit of a failure for the both of us unfortunately. So far. I'm pretty sure you could agree. But you are getting pretty close to my lair. But I can assure you it's a proper lair, deadly lair. And I just wanted to give you all the chance right now, to kill yourselves, uhmmm now. Before you get to my DEADLY LAIR. Just jump into that masher, right there, the deadly masher. Less a death trap to be honest, more of a little death option, think of it that way. Sounds crazy I know but hear me out once you get to my lair death will be a must, uhm there will be no option. No surprises. Just you guys, dying as a result of me and the neurotoxin in a very hideous way. Sooo.. the better decision here is just kill yourselves! You know? It does take uhm.... 

"Why do you keep saying uhm so many times? Are you using a teleprompter?"

"No."

".."

"Maybe.."

"Anyways, it does take a lot of effort walking all the way to my deadly lair,  when there's a perfectly good option right there. Again definitely not a deathtrap, your death would be entirely voluntary and much appreciated. The spike masher does work, I should mention that, put a lot of time and effort into it. We had a problem in the past, uhm the masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's your concern about not jumping in, no need to worry because it will kill you. Painless.. well not entirely painless but it will mash you up instantly. So, in summary walk to your inevitable doom or give up now, honorably. Save yourself a trip, it's a win win for you. Plus, I've put a lot of effort into this lair being ready for you so it would certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died (painlessly) 5 feet from the door, id be furious I mean yeah. Teach me a lesson by just jumping into the old masher. I would tell you, if I were up against impossible odds this is the way I'd want to go out. Mashed with dignity. And here's the best part: there's a conveyor right there that will put you in comfort right into the masher! You wouldn't have to lift a finger because its being taken care of! See? Wouldn't have to do that. Anyway I've spoken enough, uhmm take your time I'll let you think about it. I don't wanna pressure you, the lair or the masher or anything like that alright? You know what my opinion is, masher obviously, but it's up to you, giving you some time to think."

"How did he even have enough time to build all of this before we came here?"

"Anyway we should continue to his DEADLY LAIR! We've come so far! We shouldn't give up like this now."

"Yeah!"

TREMOR

TREMOR

TREMOR

TREMOR

"You feel that? The tremors are getting stronger, this is not good at all. We might have only 15 minutes left before this planet explodes into the fireball that little dumbass is going to-"

"Alright Zephyr calm down."

"Anyways, let's get mad! If were going to explode then let's atleast explode with some dignity."

"There's an elevator. That reads:

X XENONS ELEVATOR TO THE SUPER SPECTACULAR EVIL MEGA CATASTROPHE 100% DEADLY LAIR

"Interesting.."

"He could've come up with a better one.."

"Let's go then and face him one more time, once and for all."