KaiSoo One Shot Collection (REQUESTS OPEN)

anything you need (nothing you want)

Title: anything you need (nothing you want)
Genre(s)/Tags: smut, top!kai, bottom!kyungsoo, fleeting romance, escort!jongin, agegap, older!kyungsoo
Rating: R
Warnings/Kinks: slight dirty talk, discussions of coming out, homophobia
Description: When recently divorced and out Kyungsoo hires a male escort, he ends up getting a little more than he paid for. 

He should just leave. It wasn't too late to write a quick note to leave with the money and make a run for it. Surely it wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen to this person, right? He'd still be getting paid and they wouldn't even have to do anything for it. 

His heart pounded with anxiety. 

He couldn't do that. He didn't want to do that. He needed to have some kind of experience before he attempted to put himself out there. After all, he had really only been gay in theory for the past 38 years.

He groaned in frustration from his own indecisiveness. 

He wanted to do this. He needed this. He had dreamed and longed for the day he could finally start living as his true self for so many years. There was no way he could turn back now. At the same time though, he wondered how he could go through with it. When he closed his eyes, could he really see himself having sex with a man? The answer was no, not at all. 

He slapped his hands over his face and let himself fall back on the bed. 

At this point, he only knew two things to be undeniably true: he was scared as hell but also curious as hell. When he just thought about being with a man, be it romantically or sexually, a tingling sensation tickled his gut, the kind he supposed he was meant to feel the day he married his now ex-wife. But actually giving into those desires terrified him. 

He let his hands slide off his face and land on the bed. 

But he figured he owed it to himself to at least try. After everything he gave up and sacrificed, all the people he hurt, the very least he could do is try to live an honest life for once. How one escort was going to help him start doing that he didn't really think through, but he was there now and told himself it was too late to go back. 

However, his fight or flight response--which almost always told him to fly--kicked in the instant he heard a knock on the hotel room door. He sat up quickly, feeling his body begin to tremble with sharp pokes of anxiety. 

Should he get up and answer it or stay put? If he was quiet enough, maybe he'd think he had the wrong room and leave, which would definitely put an end to this mental nightmare. But no, if he did that, then he'd regret not having taken the chance when he had it and would inevitably end up right back in this same hotel room, faced with the awkward truth of his current existence. 

So, he cleared his throat and called in the loudest, steadiest voice he could get out, "C-Come in!"

Suddenly hyperaware of what a distressed mess he probably looked like, he frantically began fixing his hair and trying to flatten out the small wrinkles in his clothes. He didn't get a chance to make much of a difference, though, because the room's door was opening not long after he spoke up. He heard the soft clicking of shoes against the wooden entryway floor after the door closed, which only got louder the closer this person came to entering the open part of the room.

Much like the first time he saw his favorite actor on television for the first time at the ripe age of six, he was pretty sure his heart skipped several beats when he made eye contact with the extremely handsome man who had walked in. Did it help with the anxiety of knowing he'd be having sex with a man for the first time in his life? No, but it sure as hell gave him one more reason not to run away.