A Little Closer To You

IV - What Are You From Inside?

I see people enjoying their lives every so often. Atleast that's what social media portrays to me. Numerous couple videos that showcase love as being one's most intricate possession actually made me feel lonely despite being in a healthy relationship. I understood on Eshaan's part that he didn't have time for me at all, except when it was about lovemaking, that too not involving intercourse for the time being. There was a strange kind of detachment in my heart from him. We didn't talk much, he did not miss me that often like he used to do in our initial years and even refrained from any sexy topic between us. It's like he completely abandoned any form of thoughts about me, and when I would inquire him about it, all I got was...

- Work pressure, babe
- I get it, so we aren't meeting this week?
- It's hard to say. Why? Got some plans? You rarely make plans for us.
- Because I don't like being discarded. You obviously stay busy if I bring up anything.
- Yeah, ever thought about me? I too don't like being discarded when those lips don't press tight enough against mine. And likewise those chest...
- Eshaan, hey, stop!
- Your giggles are mesmerizing, love.
- One time, it feels like you're crazy in love with me. And the other time, it feels like I'm a piece of shit for you.
- That's the very characteristic of a crazy yet true...
- relationship
- nah, girlfriend.
- Haww, bye!
- Lol. Don't go please!
- Awww, tell me more na...

And he got busy when a colleague called him. After waiting for a few minutes for their conversation to end, I was disastrously left with a hanging line. I couldn't even tell Eshaan about our college fest. Meanwhile, I had no one to accompany me on a shopping spree, so I decided to go alone. All my dull dresses did not stand up to the partywear standards. And I couldn't repeat the dress that I had worn with... let's call it a date only, with Ikshit on that day. I was not at all acquainted with the city, and requesting Diksha di to go with me meant my dear money being ruthlessly snatched by her. I foolishly stepped inside a posh mall where every item was over priced. Somehow gagging and controlling the nauseous feeling of seeing a plain scarlet dress put up at ₹2500, I sadly exited the place. The clothes were nice but I couldn't ask my father or my boyfriend to pay that whopping a price for my dress. Also, asking Eshaan to spoil me with his money felt selfish and desperate. I knew that every city has that one small shop where you get your favourite dresses on a platter. No beating about the bush or more commonly, senselessly bargaining. Only middle class people know about such Aladdin's caves. Already a lot had been gone in my admission into this college, and I didn't want to be seen as greedy for asking for a dress above the mediocre's affordability.

But I wanted to look special in that fest.

Just as I was trying on a heavily padded bralette to wear under my dress inside the trial room (even though they say changing in complete nakedness in a trial room can cost one but that felt a safe place), I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. Getting excited that Eshaan missed me so early before evening, I quickly drew out my phone. But it was my clingy but sweet male friend, Ikshit.
And I wish I hadn't accepted his call in a haste.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!", I screamed loudly. It was a video call from that cunning ass man and I couldn't even care to look at the video icon on his incoming call. I couldn't register his expression as I quickly covered the lens with my palm.
"Mam, are you ok?", the helper lady outside knocked on my door.
"Yeah yeah, just found out I'm overweight in this dress. My bad...", I made an excuse to shoo her nagging off and sighed. Hearing my stupid excuse, Ikshit burst out in laughter. I was so embarrassed that he saw me in that thick lacy wear and quickly put on my top after turning off my camera. Then I showed my flushed face to him, a bit angry and a bit shy. Even he couldn't look straight into mine when our eyes locked, and I wondered if he had seen me more than I thought. Or he didn't like what he saw. Wait, why should I think if he liked or not? I mean, that's so disgusting of me!
I hung up.