A Little Closer To You

V - Drink or Die

I had started admiring myself too much in the mirror. I would try to squeeze the inch tape around my waist, not stopping until one of my organs got temporarily displaced. I had considerably reduced my daily portion size from a week back, and I could truly see the results! In negative.

Having been satisfied with compliments about my face from my ever-dishonest boyfriend, I didn't think of trying any harder. Not that I based myself on his approval but sometimes I intentionally fished for compliments. Even though I didn't deserve them. So, I had checked off everything from head to toe. Sparkling black heels, a bodycon black satin dress, black earrings, and even keeping my undergarments black for no obvious reason. I even had a charcoal face mask on at that moment. I was confused about the lipstick only, and I didn't know that my good friend was a makeup-expert.
"I think, a bit in burgundy will do",
"I am not a fan of dark lipsticks",
"Then better bleach your whole outfit",
"Ikshit! Ok, I'll go with the maroon shade. But a dark shade will make my face look bigger",
"No one cares about your proportions, girl. No matter what you put on, one of your eyes will still look like a damn swarm of bees bit you and that stupid plastic suction device that you use to make your lips plump, that can be better done by sucking on...",
"Ikshit!",
"The air. Try practicing that instead",
"Ok...",
"Yeah, cause I know you will never find that alternative",
"Fuck you and your virgin ass",
"I'll be ready with a comeback on this soon, miss",
"I'll see, hahaha".

Throughout the conversation, I tried to dig deep into his inner matter. The pills that I found out last night had made me suspicious of something grave going on in his life. As a close friend, it pained me to see him not sharing the most crucial bits of his life. May be I could fix his personal problems, but I agree that I wouldn't have liked taking the responsibility of a depressed person. Or it could be that Ikshit really didn't know what were the correct medications to be consumed for his type of allergies. And still he was pretty immune to their side effects, even after getting temporary, or who knows may be periodic, shocks from certain triggers. In our long discussion of 45 minutes, I could barely extract anything about his old uncle whom he sometimes referred to as grandfather. All that I got told was that he was better than before, but nothing similar was heard about Ikshit's health. I had started being concerned for him, that in a way, paved for a deeper connection between us. I strongly wished he could be present at the party. At least his drunk form would have expelled everything happening in his life but that was a gone chance. And just when the call ended to give me some time for studying before college hour began, Eshaan started missing me.
"What is my darling wearing tonight?",
"Did I not send you the whole outfit list?",
"Yes I did read but I was sleepy then. Repeat na please",
"Knew it. Thank you".

During the classes, I missed Ikshit's ugly jokes in my ears instead of the professor's rant. His absence made me feel invisible that day. Even my other friends, who usually came for Ikshit's attention, did not care to approach me at all. Realising the terror of being cornered despite looking my best in the upcoming party, I had a certain fear born in me of negligence from my supposed friends. Nevertheless, I was coming for the food.
My anticipation intensified when it was finally time to put on my most gorgeous dress ever. As I slid the smooth fabric on my skin, it seemed like being on a journey to meet my prince. The momentary sojourn of a fantasyland made me feel so special in my own eyes. It is rare when I get to experience self love. It's like my confidence speaks loud to me and applauds me for always keeping myself the priority over other things. I realised that my inner and outer beauty impressed me so much that I did not need anyone else's company that night. I could enjoy by myself too but a part of me missed someone.

The moment I stepped inside the college hall, I felt that I had really underestimated my college. The ceiling seemed no less than the sky's height. Despite containing a plethora of commotion-causing students in it, the place was spacious. The eating spot was altogether in a single corner so I didn't have to work those heels much, running here and there for some sauce on my egg rolls. Feasting was yet to begin. I thought we were supposed to hop on all the delicacies the moment we entered, but the college staff had plans of torchuring our stomachs by feeding us their not-so-funny jokes first. The hot and spicy whiff of all the covered foods sent everyone crazy. When the items were revealed, everyone gasped in exasperation. And some made faces because it was a lot of 'CaLoRiEs' for them. When the music of our preference was asked to be played, a loud crowd shouted for an English one. That killed all my hunger instantly because I was in a funky mood and a slow and boring romantic song was not fun. I didn't have anyone to flirt with. Had Ikshit been with me, we would have made the same faces of disappointment and then laugh it off.
I realised that I had started missing this man too much. It was like an obsession.