A Little Closer To You

VI - It's Not You Anymore

The ceilings danced around my vision. The lights made it hazier to see anything. I wanted something desperately at that time, I didn't know what. As I was being dragged in the darkness, I feared something. Yet I gave in because I trusted that 'someone'. The car was a sign of reassurance, I knew whose it was. I was in no conscious sense. Those thick arms wrapping around me, as if threatening to not leave, were a lot comfortable. But they were of a stranger. They held on to me as if I was fragile. But those hands crushed a part of me that made me happy.

I should not have kissed him.
I kissed Ikshit last night.

Lying on my bed like a deflated sac, I was sweating behind having difficulties remembering the previous night. One thing that lingered was the stinging essence of his lips. Like he had asked me to forget everything, I really did obey him. He was a hypnotic magician. I couldn't recall anything more than my time with Eshaan. And then directly that kiss...

Very few were going to college that day but I needed to go despite my unwillingness. I wanted to see him. Talk to him about last night. Why it did happen. My emotions were not that a burden on me which would supppress my common sense. Yet, I agreed that in breaking a beautiful friendship, there was a hand of mine behind. I was not that naive to go and call him early that morning and confront him about it. We would discuss it like adults, without any drama. And even though I had assumed that I will never be that girl who would have to hide such things from her boyfriend, here I was, facing that side of mine with tears in my eyes. I loathed myself even in that sweet 'good morning' that he wished me. I don't deserve it Eshaan.... I'm so sorry.

"Babe...my head is soooo heavy",
"And my heart",
"Huh? Must be that butter chicken taking revenge",
"How can you make me laugh on my upset moods?", but that giggle of mine didn't last long.
"Leave that. Why are you upset?",
"And you would not even speak about it, Eshaan", I said... imagining the same words to me from him. You wouldn't either, Lavanya. You have a new secret, and secrets are a sin. Bad secrets.
"What? I didn't drink. That whatever game made you guys crazy, not me",
"You were not drunk?", I was aghast.
"No, let me explain ", he said, defending himself before I could suspect him. And anyway, I had lost the right to suspect him. And I wondered if he would let me explain myself or not. The very thought of confrontation gave me shivers. No no, I don't want to lose another relationship.

Eshaan had gone to the washroom after he did tell me, but the music had deafened me enough to not be able to figure out my own voice. The reason he couldn't come back was because someone was preparing packets of something to start the Drink or Die game. And he had caught them. Though he didn't speak a word against what they were doing because he clearly didn't understand, they still locked him inside the washroom. And he met another person who came in from the washroom window. Who then realised he didn't have mask on, and snatched his mask.
"I don't want to talk about how he snatched my mask", he said.
"Did he use violence?", I was concerned.
"I couldn't see his face properly because the lights went off. Guess those kids outside were preparing for messing with people's drinks and someone was trying to fuse the lights. Great plan laid out, must say. And that guy, when I asked him why he was trying to take the mask off my face, he grabbed my neck from behind in his arms. And then he placed his another arm on my face, particularly covering my nose. I realised that his sleeve was a bit wet, or he must have sprayed something on it. I don't know who he was but such people in your college are very dangerous. Stay away from them, Lavanya. Even if you get a slight hint from anyone", he said.
I didn't know why I couldn't stop imagining Ikshit in place of that person who attacked on Eshaan. But Ikshit never saw Eshaan. He didn't even know his last name. And he had said that he entered from the main gate. Being the college's verified student, why would he choose the washroom window to enter?
"Then that gentleman must have put my sleeping corpse in the backseat of my car. And he even drove me home, you know?", He said.
"What the fuck? You mean he put you in your car and drove you home, and how do you know all this?",
"Because when I woke up, I saw myself parked outside my house. That making me unconscious part was not as scary as someone knowing my address and also knowing which is my car", he said.
"May be your card must be there in your car or wallet that states your address", I said in a stammering voice.
"Could be, but....ok, that is reasonable", he said and then we hung up. I knew Ikshit was observant but could he be that obsessive to stalk my boyfriend? Like he once came to my house, it could be possible.