Stuck inside what I am not

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by Revel06

by Revel06

Stuck inside this room, all messy and full of stuff, but I hate how it looks.

I wankt to clean it and sort out the things I don't need.

Stuck inside this house, that is full of people that don't show me love, but call themselves my family.

I want myself to be surrounded by those I love and not by humans that scream at each other and make me feel bad about myself.

Stuck inside a body I don't really feel comfortable inside.

I don't wanna feel this insecure about myself.

I am not able to drink or eat when other people are watching, because I feel like, I'm gonna make a fool out of myself.

I'm planing each move out in my mind, because I'm afraid I could fall or stumble.

Basically I'm afraid of not getting accepted as who I am, or in general just accepted.

Stuck inside a mind that keeps giving me fantasies about death and how it would feel like.

How everything is my fold, because if I had a different mindset I wouldn't be going through this chaos.

A mind that screams at me, because I'm not able to get up and do what I love.

I wankt to be able to enjoy my life, like I'm living and not just surviving.

I want to be able to have a bad day, without breaking completely down and cry myself to sleep.

Stuck inside a country that doesn't feel like home and gets more and more hateful.

I want to live where I can feel safe and welcome. Where I'm not afraid of losing basic rights, just because of who I am.

Stuck inside a world that doesn't give a dam about my or their children's future.

A world where there are wars and hungers.

And still more than half of the people on earth are not as privileged as I am.

A world where we are slowly heading towards our end and nobody seems to notice or care.

A world where I feel lonely amongst thousands, millions of people.

A world which is money the biggest power to hold in hands.

And can I say, stuck inside a universe?

It keeps expanding on and on, no end to reach, no holding on.

Bigger than a small human could ever imagine. So big, that our brain cannot even process.

And still, when I look up at the stars and see a million stars far away, I feel like I cannot move, I have no space.

Maybe I want to die.