RAGHVI FF : A PHOENIX

CHAPTER 32 : THE HAZE

Has he really never accepted his mistakes? Is it all just always going to be a big drama? Was she becoming an emotional fool again?
Raghav felt her move beneath his touch as he moved his gaze from her shoulder that had moved out from his touch , back to the eyes that have now changed. Was it too soon to be happy again?

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"Pallavi" Raghav whispered in a low voice, he in no way wanted to get out of the moment they were probably gonna share a few seconds ago.
"Raghav" Pallavi took a step back, "Dekho main tumhe koi galatfehmi nahin dena chahti hoon isliye abhi yeh clear karna zaruri hai." she said turning her face away from him.
"Pallavi nahin please." Raghav's voice broke down as he begged her through his eyes but Pallavi kept looking away.
"Raghav tum shayad meri intentions ko aur mujhe dono ko galat samajh rahe ho. Main apni life main move on kar chuki hoon." she finally looked at him, her voice pretty serious this time as they tried to hold back iin the tears forming at it's side, "Main aaj yahan tumhara iss plan main sirf apni family ke liye saath de rahi hoon. Sirf Aaji ke liye taki woh jab tak yahan hai unhe main drama se dur rakhun, agar woh aaj Sharda ji aur sabse comfortable rahengi toh yeh compettion bahut easy rahega hum sabke liye." she explained.
" Pallavi main bhi wahi chahta hai-"
"Nahin Raghav." she cut in, "Tumhari aur meri intentions same nahin hai isliye mujhe explain karna padh raha hai. Tumhe shayad lagta hai ki yeh sab mera koi naraaqz hone ka drama hai but aisa kuch nahin hai, ab main tumse ya Hyderabad se related kisi bhi issue main kuch feel nahin karti hoon. Aur kuch nahin. And i hope ab sab clear ho gaya hoga." saying so she walked out of the house as Raghav tried to grasp the sharp edge of her words, the way they cut him like a sharp knife diving deep into his skin and straight to his poor heart.
He stumbled onto his side getting a grip as her words rang in his eyes. Did she really mean it? Her not feeling anything for him anymore? Was he just making fake scenarios and dreaming dreams that will never even be real?

Pallavi kept a hand over her heavily beating heart, to say all those words and act like you mean it was hard but one thing that she was actually sure about was, she would never let people's decision take over her life. It had taken her months to get back on her feet and tehre was no going back from here, only forward. If she want to get associated with these people again, it will only be because she wants it and not because they used plans to trap her. Nope, she refuses to be a puppet anymore. 

The photographer explained them a few of the poses that were required for the shot and taking it in the professional way, Pallavi obliged to them. Amma was happy for her daughter as she adored her from afar but somewhere her gaze searched for her son and alas she found him walking down the stairs with a straight look on his face, the old chilling expression coming back when she had seen him all those years ago, he was hurting , being a mother she could feel it but why? What happened in the span of 15 minutes when he was away from her sight that made him go from a bright morning chirpy bird to a cold stone amidst a storm.
"Sab theek hai na Raghav?" she asked as soon as he stood by her side.
"Han Amma sab theek hai." he replied in a monotonous voice.

An hour passed and he stood like that, his eyes never leaving her figure while Pallavi decided to live in the moment and trying her best to ignore his piercing gaze, she knew hearing all those words must have been hard for him but somethings were supposed to happen and this conversation was one of those. 
"Aur kitna time rehta hai?" Sharda Aai asked Farhad.
"Bass ek outfit change aur rehta hai Sharda Ji. Woh latest collection hai na isliye abhi sirf limited parts hi reveal karenge hum." he explained her.
"Sharda Ji phir hum dono na khaane ka preperation dekh leta hai, aaj main Pallavi ke liye uska sab favourite dish banaya hai." Amma beamed with excitement only to be cut down by Raghav's sharp voice, "woh nahin khayega Amma."
"Are aise kaise nahin khayega. Main uske liye specially banaya hai." Amma argued with him.
"Amma tum mera baat samjho aur abhi kuch mat karo." a thin crease appeared on his forehead, Raghav knew that having Amma treat Pallavi in such a special way in front of the others would only mean more misunderstandings for them and she has made it clear she doesn't want to be a part of any of this reunion.
" Par Raghav-'
"Par war kuch nahin Amma please." he turned his face towards er, his eyes begging his mother to let this one go and dejectedly she did.

All of a sudden they heard a cell phone ring that broke any eye to eye conversation this mother-son duo was having, looking for the source, they found Pallavi profusely apologizing for not keeping her cell phone on silent and excused herself to attend an important call. From a distance they could see her smile fade away at every word the caller told her as if in reflex she turned around making a run for the room to grab her stuff maybe.
"Bha- I mean Pallavi ji kya hua?" Farhad asked her in panic.
"I am sorry but mujhe ghar jana hoga. Urgent hai." she picked up the lehenga she wore as she made a run up the stairs. In a matter of minutes she was back with her bag swinging at one side and changed out of the heavy jwellery and dress as Raghav stopped her.
"Main tumko chhodh deta hai." he offered.
"Nahin. I mean Shiva mujhe lene aa gaya hai aur aisa bhi nahin hai ki main iss sheher ko janti hi nahin hoon." saying so she walked out of the house while the others tried following her but Raghav stopped them.
"Mera Shiva se baat ho chuka hai. Sab ab theek hai lekin abhi agar hum sab saath jayega toh Pallavi aur frustrate hoga. Isliye main peeche se jaata hai aur Farhad tu idhar sab settle karwakar mereko usko ghar ke bahar mil. Ardhamainda?" he said.
"Ji Anna aap yahan ki fiqar mat kariye main sambhal lunga."

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Pallavi made a run for her house. She had lied when she told Raghav Shiva would pick her up when in reality she had booked a cab instead. She knew the others must be needing Shiva more than her. But at this moment she wanted to be anywhere except with Raghav or anyone concerning him. Even though Shiva had assured her of Aaji's health to be fine now, a little blood pressure issue at the beginning but she couldn't help herself to think that she might have been a cause for it. The way Aaji cared for her, thought deeply for her must have put a strain on her health and somewhere both her and Raghav were responsible for it.
As she walked inside those four walls, her bag being thrown at some random corner, she met with the upsetting eyes of the others except shiva who stood arms crossed at one side.
"Tujhe mana kara tha ki aane ki zaroorat nahin hai." he said.
"Aur maine tujhe kaha tha ki agar Aaji ko kuch bhi hota hai toh mujhe call karna hai. Agar Aai call nahin karti toh mujhe toh pata hi nahin chalta na." she looked at him in anger.
"Halka bp fluctuation ka issue tha. Doctor dawa de chuka hai." he assured her.
"Lekin agar kuch ho jata toh. Tu jaanta hai main khudko kabhi maaf nahin karti." saying so she walked away towards Aaji's room as Aai trailed behind her..
The door creaked open with a light sound revealing the old woman who slept peacefully on the bed after her dose of medication. Pallavi felt her eyes well up as she made her way to the edge of the bed beside her as she gave a light kiss on her Aaji's forehead.
"I am sorry." she spoke in a slight whisper, the sobs dying right in her throat.
"Tuje pata hai na teri galti nahin hai majhi saiju." Aai kept an assuring hand on her shoulder.
"Par mujhe unse aise baat nahin karni chahiye thi woh sahi hi toh keh rahi thi na Aai." Pallavi turned to face her mother.
"Par tu bhi galat nahin thi. Hum jitna pichli baaton se ladenge, hume utni hi aur takleef hogi na." she pulled the poor girl in her arms.
"mujhe aap logon ko jaane hi nahin dena chahiye tha. Saath hi aajana chahiye tha." Pallavi said.
"uhuh. Mujhe tere liye rukna chhaiye tha. Woh kya kehte hain, cheer karna chahiye tha. Akhir meri Pallu modelling kar rahi thi." Aai stroker her face as she wiped away the tears, " Chal ab yeh rona dhona band kar aur chal mere saath, khana khaate hain. Aja." 
"Aai tu chal main aati hoon." Pallavi gave her a soft smile as Aai went away while the former took a glance at the sleepign figure.

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Shiva lit a ciggarette as he opened the doors to the terrace but flipped the paper away in a second as soon as he laid eyes on the figure infront of him. Pallavi stood looking at the setting sun with her hands on the railing.
"Tujhe kya hua?" he stood beside her.
"Hum yeh aur nahin kar sakte hai Shiva." she said all of a sudden.
"Kya nahin kar sakte hai? Seedha seedha bola kar pata nahin jab dekho baaton ko ghumati rehti hai." he teased her.
"Yeh Raghav ke saath hamara plan. Tune dekha na aaj Aaji ko kitna bura laga.Maine bhi buddhuon ki tarah yeh socha ki sab theek ho jayega. Ofcourse nahin hoga." she slumped her shoulders in defeat.
"Are hoga na tu bas bharosa rakh."
"Shiva tu samajh nahin raha hai. Main nahin kar paa rahi hoon yeh past present ko alag rakhne ka drama. Past ko theek karne ki koshish karti hoon toh present kharaab ho jata hai. Present par focus karti hoon toh past saamen aakar khada ho jata hai. Samajh hi nahin aata ki main karun kya." her breathing became quick.
"filhal toh saans le. Pallu tujhe jo karna hai woh kar. Chhod de sabke baare main sochna. Tujhe nahin rehna Raghav ya beete kal ke saath, hum nahin rahenge. Sab chhod denge. Main hoon tere saath." Shiva pulled her in for a hug calming her down.
"Koi mujhe kyun nahin samajhta hai Shiva. Sabko itna asaan lagta hai ki hurt karne ke baad sorry bolne se sab theek ho jayega. Kaise theek ho jayega Shiva." she sobbed.
"Shh hum dheere dheere waqt ke saath sab theek kardenge. Tu jaisa chahegi waise hi hoga." he looked at the sky unaware of the gaze that looked at them from below. Raghav stood leaning onto his car. He had been aware that the road with Pallavi won't be this easy but he hadn't realised that it would be that painful. Maybe he hadn't actually understood the depth of pain she had been caring and before any more moves, he had to bring her out of the centre of that.