Not Giving In

Breaking Free~ The End

Honey's Point of View!
Two Month Later!

I had healed physically but I was losing my mind mentally and emotionally.  I couldn't stand to even look at myself in the mirror.  I haven't seen my mom Michelle or Ava and as far as my mom Linda and my dad I haven't seen them at all.  Haven't heard from them either.  They call my grandma to check on me but that's about it.  As for Dominick, for the first three weeks, I was home he came by every day to check on me or to bring me a gift or something, I always stay locked in my room and don't accept the gifts.  At first, I have to admit I wasn't mad at Dominick about any of this but now after seeing how he's been acting I am pissed.  He acts like losing the baby doesn't affect him.  Like we didn't just lose our child.  Like I am the only thing that matters.  He's never cried.  Never acknowledged it.  He acts like it didn't happen.  I am so mad.  I've been looking for places to go.  A retreat or something,  somewhere I can go to get away for a while.  I need space. Time away from everything and everybody.  I am barely eating, not sleeping, and I cry every day all day.  I just want an out. I still have a lot of money saved up from work and some Dominick had deposited into my account,  I will be leaving most likely today. I will let my grandparents know and leave a note for Dominick for them to give to him.  I have to go for my own sanity and since I'm semi healed.  Now is a better time than any.  

I had tried with Dominick.  I stayed a weekend with him and it was like I just didn't feel the same.  He wanted to talk and I didn't.  We had sex and it was just weird.  Not from Dominick's liking he didn't want to.  It was from my pushing.  I just wanted to feel something anything.  I wanted to stop being so numb but nothing changed.  It was like we did it and I couldn't even look at him afterward.  I just want to feel like myself again.  I want to feel something.  I love Dominick and this isn't his fault it's mine.  This brings me to my next point, I had finally found a beautiful waterfront bungalow in Naples Italy and paid it up for a year.  I also found a mind-body retreat that I can do for the time I am there.  I needed this.  Not only for myself but for the person I want to be when I get back.  This will help me with what I feel about not only Dominick but myself.  I need to focus on myself and think about everything else when I got back.  It's my time.  I love Dominick I really do but I don't know if that's enough anymore.  As I packed for my flight.  I thought about everything I was giving up and wondered if it was worth it.  I guess it's too late to second guess now right?  I had my bags back and I wrote my notes.  After that, I headed downstairs to face my grandparents with my bags.  When I walked into the kitchen they stopped and looked at me. It showed on their faces as if they knew and understood. 

" How long will you be gone, " My grandfather asked.

" I don't know right now," I said with my head down. 

" Can we drop you off anywhere? " My grandma asked.

" The airport please," I said in one breath.  I heard my grandpa grab his keys and walked over to grab my two bags and we were out the door.  As we drove to the airport it was quiet filled with things they wanted to say but didn't.  I had no words either.  When we arrived my grandpa handed me some money and then hugged me and walked back to the car to wait for my grandma.  

" Don't tell Dominick until he comes to see you guys.  Give him this letter.  I love you guys.  Thanks for everything.  I left letters in my room for everyone.  Including my mom and dad if you could mail them to them " I said looking at her.  

" I love you dear.  Please hurry home " My grandma said hugging me and crying.  

" I love you more and grandpa.  I'm so sorry " I said crying harder.  

" Go before you miss your flight call us or text us when you land please so we know you're safe, " My grandma said wiping my tears.  

" I will send letters.  I left my phone at home " I said and began to walk away.  Here's to the next year.  

Dominick's Point of View!
Next Day!

I  felt myself losing her and maybe that's what I deserved but I couldn't bring myself to give up.  I loved her and I would fight for her, til the end of the earth.  I lost one of my baby girls I wouldn't lose both. As I pulled into her grandparent's driveway something seemed different this time.  The feeling was weird.  I parked and walked to the door ringing it.  A minute later her grandfather answered.  When we saw me his eyes dropped more.  What the hell was going on? He stepped aside and let me in.  I stood in the doorway and waited for him to let me upstairs.  

" She left Dominick " Mr. Gerald finally spoke. 

" When will she be back I can wait for her, " I asked confused.  

" Not sure we took her to the airport yesterday," Mr. Gerald said.  I felt the air knocked out of me.  She left me.  She left me without a word.  

" She didn't say anything to me? Is she that upset with me?  Is she leaving me? What about us " I asked questions I knew he couldn't answer. 

" She left you this letter," Mr. Gerald said handing me the letter.  As I took it I couldn't open it fast enough the letter read. 

" Dear Dominick, I'm sorry to have to leave like this.  I know I wouldn't have been able to bare saying goodbye to your face.  I love you, Dominick, and I will probably always love you.  You were my first boyfriend, first love, first everything.  I can't bear to be around anymore with the thought of the family that we were supposed to create together being ripped away from us both.  This isn't your fault and I am not mad at you for anything that has happened.  I don't blame you.  I would do all of this over again knowing everything that I know and more.  I don't know if the future has plans for us, all I know is right now I don't know who I am anymore.  I don't know what I feel anymore.  I feel myself slowly fading away and I don't want to bring you down with me if it doesn't affect you the way it does me.  Not being able to be the mother I wanted so badly to be is eating away at me.  I sometimes wish it was me who died that night.  Once again I won't be your burden.  Tell Bentley I said take care of you for more.  I love you guys.  Watch over my grandparents for me.  They'll need you now that I am gone.  I don't know when or if I'll be back but just know you were my favorite part of Sicily. Love always La Mi Bella. "

After reading her letter all I could do was cry.  I sunk into the chair and cried I don't know for how long and I didn't care who saw.  After I finished I knew two things.  I had to find her and I had to make this right.  I would spend the rest of my life looking for her if I had to.  It would not end like this.