"You okay?" I wiped a tear that was streaming down my face before turning toward the voice behind me. It was Janet who sat in the desk next to me at work.
"I'm fine." I said.
"You don't look fine."
"It's my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone else and I just called him to tell him it's over. That's all."
"It will be okay, Toni. There are plenty of better men out there."
"No. Not right away anyway. That's the third guy who I've caught cheating. Maybe it's me."
"Toni. Listen to you. You are gorgeous. You got the nice hair, thin figure, long legs and a face any model would die for." I smiled and looked up at Janet. It was her that I thought was beautiful. She had that slender hour glass figure, full lips and dark hair. In fact, people thought we were sisters except for the hair. I always took it as a compliment when they accused us of being twins. I always figured it was because we spent so much time together; except of course when I was involved in my brief relationships. I loved every minute Janet and I spent together. We had become close friends over the past year.
"You and me, tonight; on the town." Janet said. I nodded. One night turned into two and two turned into three. Janet and I spent the entire weekend bar hopping, club hopping, shopping and even took in a movie. By Monday I had forgotten about what's his name. Over the next month Janet and I spent a lot of time together. I told her she didn't have to go out so much with me just to keep me entertained. She said she was trying to wean herself off of men for a while also. Her last boyfriend didn't cheat on her, but he was a jerk. She was pickier in her choice of men that I was. As long as they were good looking, I fell for them. Unfortunately, so did other women. In the long run the Adonis looking men were more often self centered and not as good in bed as you might think.
"So when are you going to start dating again? You've been without a boyfriend longer than I have Jan?" I said as we sat at her kitchen table eating ice cream after another night on the town. There was nothing special about the question. After all, Janet and I talked about everything from men to toiletry products but for some reason that night, at that kitchen table and right after that question, is when something happened and I learned something that would change our relationship forever.
"I don't know." She said.
"Come on. We can't avoid men forever."
"Sure we can. It isn't hard."
"Like you would know." I took a big bite of ice cream. I then got one of those brain freeze things. You know, when you eat something so cold you get a brief headache. My mouth quickly warmed it up and as it melted the freeze pain went away. I looked at Janet and realized she hadn't said anything. She was just looking at me as I licked ice cream off my spoon.
"What?" I asked.
"I was just thinking." She said.
"About what?"
"I do know."
"You do know what?"
"I do know what it's like to be without a man for a while."
"How so?" I took another bite and waited on the brain freeze but it never came. So I took a bigger bite next time. I was glad the ice cream was fat free.
"Toni, there's something I haven't told you."
"You can tell me anything, Janet."
"I know but I didn't want it to hurt our friendship." I motioned for her to go on. I even put my spoon down because she started to act so serious.
"Well." She continued. Janet leaned toward me and lowered her voice a bit. Her eyes drifted down, like she did when she was trying to hide something. I knew her so well. I thought.
"Toni, when I was in college I didn't have a boyfriend."
"Janet, that's not a big deal. I only had one and he thought he was God's gift to women. He was captain of the cheerleading team. People thought he was gay 'cause he was good looking and a cheerleader so he overcompensated by..."
"No Toni. I had a relationship but it was with another girl." I had started to pick up my spoon for more ice cream but I put it back down. I then wished I hadn't said anything about my boyfriend that people thought was gay. I don't know why.
"Oh. Well, that's okay Janet . What's wrong with that?"
"I was afraid if you knew I once dated a woman that, well you'd feel uncomfortable about us being such close friends."
"No. I think its fine. I guess you do know how it is to be without a man." As soon as I said it, I regretted the words. But I was suddenly curious and had a thousand questions; but was afraid to ask any of them.
"So it doesn't change anything?" She asked.
"No. Absolutely not. In fact, what was it like?"
"Being without a man?"
"Well..."
"Or being with a woman?"
"Well, I know what it's like being without a man. I mean we've been best friends for over a year. I thought we knew each other's secrets. We tell each other everything and we've been so close. And you've never acted like...like, I don't know...."
"Acted like I've had a woman before; that I like women?"
"Well yea. You've never come on to me." Again I regretted the words as soon as they came out. But I was so accustomed to us talking about everything and suddenly I felt like I might say something that would offend my best friend.
"Well, you're my closest friend. I didn't tell you and I've never 'come on' to you as you put it because I never would jeopardize our friendship."
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